Witness To The End Of Vacation “This traffic is so bad you could die in it,” I said from my Civic. And then, prophetically, someone did. I blamed the governments - assigning a single customs officer to man all eight border control booths on July 4th – The line to leave Canada constipated for miles. A well-intentioned tourist balled a Niagara Falls souvenir sweatshirt under the man’s neck as they untangled the man from his seatbelt and unfolded his unconscious body onto the center lane. Other drivers who weren’t driving anyway stepped out of their cars to flag the wailing ambulance like a parade float, but the man’s heart gave up on waiting. There is no protocol for what to do when a man dies of heart attack in the center lane of border patrol traffic, though we in a five car radius turned off our radios and engines; It seemed the dead should not be subjected to Justin Bieber nor bathe in our exhaust. Miles behind us, cars were honking, hungry to get to America.
© 2020 Jewish Young Professional
***
I cheated a bit. It’s a revision of an old poem, but it worked well enough for the dVerse Poetics 428 – Poetry as Witness and Go Dog Go Cafe 3 Favorite “W” Words prompts, so I couldn’t resist.
” It seemed the dead
should not be subjected to Justin Bieber
nor bathe in our exhaust.”
That’s considerate. Is it bad that this line made me laugh? This is amazingly written.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It made me laugh too! I think even dark subjects need a touch of humor. Thanks!
LikeLike
Wonderful poem, evocative of that awful moment. I liked how you managed the timing and the tension in the piece – the man moves from unconscious to dead, ‘unfolded’ from the accident to the centre line. And that tender moment when his head rests on the Niagara Falls t-shirt. Also the opening out in the last line – the crowds beyond the tragedy impatient…still dreaming their dreams. Terrific piece. Thank you for sharing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you! This is such excellent, detailed feedback. I really appreciate it. Thank you also for the prompt as inspiration! It was exactly what I need to fuel the necessary revisions.
LikeLike
Oh, no, I am so sorry to hear you had to go through this.
Safe Air Hugs, if wanted, from chilly(!) San Diego, CA!
LikeLiked by 3 people
Aww, air hugs back! This was based on an event from 8 years ago (back in those wild pre-COVID days when one could cross the border from USA to Canada in the first place…)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Aha! 🙂
LikeLike
fiction?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Based on a true story with a bit of creative license. Actually, in truth, I don’t really know what happened to the man and I will never know. I hope he was fine.
LikeLike
Did this really happen? I hope you didn’t have to see this. Such a sad and moving poem
LikeLiked by 1 person
Based on a true story with some creative license to make for a better poem. (I did witness the unconscious man pulled from his car in the middle of the massive Canada Day – Independence Day weekend traffic, the stalled bystanders trying to help, the ambulance coming). I don’t actually know what happened in the end and I will never know. I hope he was fine.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Gosh how dramatic and scary to watch! You’ve turned it into a beautiful piece of writing
LikeLiked by 1 person
A powerful poem, skilfully woven. You say so much in this short poem.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you! I appreciate the feedback!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Excellent reporting of a tragedy in traffic.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you! Really appreciate the feedback. Also “a tragedy in traffic” is such a great line! Maybe an alternate title? Another piece? Hmmm…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Feel free to use it 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
What a story… it seems like you were in a bubble where a different world existed that was not festive… I can almost imagine you turning back after something like that.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It was pretty surreal!
LikeLike
I know this was a sad event, but you made me smile — no one should be subjected to Justin Birber, dead or alive.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha, it is a funny line. I don’t think Justin Bieber’s music is all bad, but he’s an easy target and Canadian, so I had to put it in!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lol. Next time you need a Canadian target 🎯 you can use me. They have to be really careful at the border to make sure no crazies get into the U.S. 😇
LikeLiked by 1 person
Too late. I think we might have too many crazy people in the USA without Canada’s help! 😉
LikeLiked by 2 people
My children are American so the border is not as big a deal to me as some people I think. 🙂
LikeLike
chuckle chuckle Rob….
LikeLiked by 1 person
I so enjoyed your story tonight. Though sad, the ending made me smile. I am sure all are eager and hungry to cross the border to the USA.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ouch…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Something so surreal about this, beginning with the “prophetic” note and ending with a body stretched out “in the center lane of border patrol traffic”. But then the closing, “hungry to get to America” crashes in, and we’re disconcerted again. Well done, JYP.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for reading and leaving such wonderful, detailed feedback!
LikeLiked by 1 person
the last two verses are a funny, but scalding, commentary on the 21st century
LikeLiked by 1 person
In their defense, the cars that are miles behind the scene have no idea of the reason for the traffic standstill, so I can understand the impatience. It is unfortunate though.
LikeLiked by 1 person
a terrific poem: the opening is perfect; a splendid last stanze too with a smidgin of humour 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks! I thought it needed that bit of humor
LikeLiked by 1 person
(our radios and engines; It seemed the dead
should not be subjected to Justin Bieber
nor bathe in our exhaust. Miles behind us,
cars were honking, hungry to get to America.)
I appreciate the stance taken in that brief moment, a personal decision to practice self-restraint. Jishiku (自粛) is a type of mourning that’s common in Japan. It’s often translated “self restraint”. It means that when you’re in mourning you shouldn’t celebrate.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Fascinating. We have a similar concept in Judaism. In Judaism, when someone is in mourning, they are supposed to follow certain restrictions, for example, not listening to live music (which often means not going to parties or weddings or events that are likely to have live music) because it would be too celebratory.
LikeLike
I think with Japan it is a national and personal response in a time of crisis, and not so much a ritual, just an inner stance to get through a period of crisis. Even election campaigns are seriously toned down in a time of a crisis.
LikeLiked by 1 person
So good…..
LikeLiked by 1 person
[…] now could be revised to, or inspire, something halfway-decent later. I have done this with some of my crappy college/early post-college era […]
LikeLike
[…] Sunday Muse, dVerse, W3, Poets and Storytellers United, and Twiglets. Also inspired by another poem I wrote a while ago. Feel free to vote for your fave in the […]
LikeLike
Reblogged this on From guestwriters.
LikeLike