Today, I go to the office and meet the coworkers.
I got my nails done yesterday for the occasion. I put on makeup (because I have a face that looks unattractive without makeup and only marginally better with makeup). I tried to find a nice outfit, a challenge because I’ve put on a non-trivial amount of weight, but fortunately, these are all new coworkers and they have no basis for comparison.
I was so excited for this day. And now that it is here, I feel…weird.
Possibly because home life has reached a new milestone of broken and fucked up.
Husband called to discuss the situation, and I was staring at my freshly manicured nails, pondering how it was that my nails could look so perfect and the rest of my life could be, well, not. There’s a terrible poem to be written about that image, but I’m too lazy to write it.
Anyway, I can’t go into detail, but don’t feel bad for me. My life is fine. Feel bad for people in worse situations.
Here’s what I am not wearing for my first day at the office: my wedding & engagement rings. They don’t fit so comfortably since I’ve put on weight. But more importantly, I have no interest in talking about my household with these new coworkers. There is just no happy ending for that conversation topic. (I am still married. Just to clarify). I just see no reason to bring this up.
Husband did manage to walk through one of my Zoom calls without a shirt on once. I had a virtual background up and everything, but the camera picked up his face and a bunch of bare man chest. I just apologized to the coworker I was meeting with and gave no explanation for the half-naked man in my domicile. Thank G-d for the office.