Thoughts while Commuting to the Office

Today, I go to the office and meet the coworkers. 

I got my nails done yesterday for the occasion. I put on makeup (because I have a face that looks unattractive without makeup and only marginally better with makeup). I tried to find a nice outfit, a challenge because I’ve put on a non-trivial amount of weight, but fortunately, these are all new coworkers and they have no basis for comparison.

Do I look like a normal coworker? Photo by SHVETS production from Pexels

I was so excited for this day. And now that it is here, I feel…weird.

***

Possibly because home life has reached a new milestone of broken and fucked up.

The egg symbolizes my home life. Photo by Klaus Nielsen from Pexels

Husband called to discuss the situation, and I was staring at my freshly manicured nails, pondering how it was that my nails could look so perfect and the rest of my life could be, well, not. There’s a terrible poem to be written about that image, but I’m too lazy to write it.

Current Mood. My nails look perfect though. There’s that at least. #priorities. Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

Anyway, I can’t go into detail, but don’t feel bad for me. My life is fine. Feel bad for people in worse situations.

***

Here’s what I am not wearing for my first day at the office: my wedding & engagement rings. They don’t fit so comfortably since I’ve put on weight. But more importantly, I have no interest in talking about my household with these new coworkers. There is just no happy ending for that conversation topic. (I am still married. Just to clarify). I just see no reason to bring this up.

Husband did manage to walk through one of my Zoom calls without a shirt on once. I had a virtual background up and everything, but the camera picked up his face and a bunch of bare man chest. I just apologized to the coworker I was meeting with and gave no explanation for the half-naked man in my domicile. Thank G-d for the office.

50 comments

  1. I want to say something reassuring but you’re so funny that I just want to say thanks for the comedy! I love that you feel you’re too lazy to write the poem about your nails being perfect but it doesn’t reflect your life. Hope you’re well, JYP, wishing you well ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. All that you are going through is a process of your growth. This growth will turn you into a butterfly and I’d say hang in there…keep growing, you are about to fly!! Thanks for sharing this post. You always make me feel less alone, help me cope with my own struggles. Sending you much love as you navigate this phase of life. It will get better, it always does.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for the kind words and encouragement. I will say that things have improved somewhat since I wrote this. I’m not quite sure that I am on track to turn this low point into growth, but I truly appreciate the inspiration and encouragement!
      How are you doing?

      Like

  3. You feeling all right over there? Kinda sucks that you’ve reached a new milestone in suckiness, but I wish you all the best, and to be cheesy about it: life happens for us, and not to us. Take care now!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I saw in another comment that your first day was great. I’m glad that you began work on the right foot. That first day can set the whole tone for everything. I’m sorry things aren’t so great at home in your relationship. Maybe starting something new will help you gain a new perspective about yourself and your life. A new angle can make a big difference. I hope you update us more about your new job with your typical wit and insight that I love.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Somewhere . . . Stephen King wrote extensively about the excitement of returning to school after summer vacation. He even guessed that our hormone levels increasing around the fall season might be due to years of being conditioned by this regular routine. I’ve been seeing and hearing a lot about the various aspects of returning to the work place–increased efficiency, decreased efficiency, etc.,–but one can’t ignore the basic human imperative to socialize. (And–sorry–in real life, not pixels.)
    Of course that always brings with it a raft of other issues, but it’s stuff I suspect we sort of like dealing with, on some level.
    At any rate, I guess welcome back to the “normal” world. We’re all having to re-adjust.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Hi YJP. You wrote: ‘Husband did manage to walk through one of my Zoom calls without a shirt on once’.
    That’s hilarious! There’s clearly humor in everything if we look for it.
    🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • There is!
      It actually reminds me a bit of when you wrote about the story when Jacob wanted to attend the Seder without a proper pair of pants. Sorry, I hope it doesn’t upset you that I mention this. That certainly isn’t my intent. It was just such an amusing memory that it stuck with me.
      Shabbat Shalom!

      Like

  7. This is a very sad post. So much between the lines. So much under the nail polish and make up. Nothing is more lonely than unhappiness that you don’t feel is worthy of being felt bad for. I do feel bad for you. You are in my thoughts. ❤

    Liked by 3 people

  8. I do feel bad for you as you’re my friend, and I feel that your life is not fine, otherwise you wouldn’t have to tell us that it is.

    That said, I can understand why you are doing this.

    I also need to lose weight, although less from lockdown than medication side-effects.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. your blog post often leave me feeling like responding, “I’m here if you want to talk about it.” And I am – “here” if you want to talk about it, but I also get the sense that you don’t really want to talk about it… which is obviously fine. So I usually don’t put that my comments to you… but I’m almost always thinking it.

    Shabbat shalom, Friend.


    David

    P.S. I also put on weight since COVID-19 came on the scene, and I'm lacking the motivation to start eating less, which is what I really should do because it isn't healthy.

    Liked by 2 people

      • I’ve heard it’s more like the COVID 30. I don’t know why that person told you it isn’t true. The only reason I didn’t gain weight this last year is because of health issues. My wife did though (Don’t tell her I told you).

        Liked by 1 person

        • Ha! Maybe that’s why the person said COVID 15 wasn’t true. (Or perhaps because he mentioned this early in the pandemic when people were still walking and cooking from scratch). Anyway, “COVID 15” works better for my parody. My own weight gain was more like a COVID 8-10. I won’t tell or judge 😉

          Like

  10. I wish you well on your first appearance at the office. Are you going to be transitioning to the office? Before we got our new office building in March, there was all this talk about continuing work from home from various staff. I finally got all of our staff out of the old office into the new office the first week in June. Now I’m hearing “I never want to work from home again!” from many of our staff. I have not managed to get my programmer back to the office. He really doesn’t need to be there, and I’m using his space to pile computers, monitors, drives, etc. until I can figure out what to do with them. With your nails done and a little make up I’m sure you will impress your coworkers. Neither my wife or I have worn our wedding rings in years. We have different reasons, due mostly to medical stuff. While we don’t mind talking about each other, it’s nice not to be asked based on rings on our fingers.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I give the team who re-set up the office for the return to work a lot of credit. There were a bunch of new hires during the pandemic, so a lot of reconfiguring the space. I don’t have to go back, and I probably won’t 5 days a week, but I would prefer to work in the office more often than not I think

      Liked by 3 people

      • How did everyone react to you and one another in person? Are your coworkers cool? There’s a lot of work that I can do at home, but I take care of facilities and equipment as part of my job, so I really need to be at the office. Plus there are way too many distractions at home. Especially when Laurie was teaching online at home. I got relegated to my darkroom studio to do zoom meetings. It’s alright as long as I can blur my background, otherwise people see all the guitars and basses hanging in the background and become curious about them.

        Liked by 2 people

        • Yeah, lots of kitties = lots of distractions, and that’s not even counting the rest of your household. Coworkers asking about your cool hobbies and talents over Zoom doesn’t sound so awful, but I def get the appeal of the office. The office and coworkers were good!

          Liked by 1 person

        • Coworkers already know about all my quirky hobbies, it’s clients that get distracted. Some clients seem to think that all I do is work for them and act surprised if they discover I do other things outside my job. I often get questions from people like “How do you find time to do all that stuff?” My standard answer is “I don’t have a TV.”

          Liked by 1 person

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