August consists of a long, long list of plans I do not look forward to. Busy season at work. Preparation of lecture and quizzes for the teaching job I do not really like, but feel guilty about leaving, because the Department Head let me audit another course for free to prep for a certification exam1. Social obligations which were not my idea and which I am not happy about, but must pretend to be. The High Holidays are coming up. I must plan, not just as an individual, but as a member of the congregation board organizing High Holiday services for the congregation. Under the layers of obligations, my mind sweats as much as my body as I sink resignedly into the Louisiana swamp that is August.
I feel the urgency of an ending summer. Emails from retailers to shop “fun in the sun” before “back to school” season. Coworkers can’t book vacations fast enough, slipping in PTO requests before the end of August, before the Delta variant results in travel bans. If you’re too slow, you’ll miss out and have to provide coverage. My congregation has the tradition to appoint someone to send out daily spiritual inspirational emails in the month leading up to Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year); it has the effect of filling my inbox with emails that leave me feeling that I must add spiritual self-improvement to the growing list of tasks. I will be leyning (chanting the Torah reading) and giving a short sermon to the congregation, but the emails have me feeling like this is not “enough”. The shaming, from retailers, coworkers, and congregants alike, is all manufactured, but it is effective.
I come across a week-long women’s-only retreat with one spot left to a country still accepting visitors. It is reckless. Irresponsible. Expensive. Selfish. I will pay for it in all-nighters to make up my workload, and in long–overdue marriage counseling sessions, which we are [finally] about to begin. Still, I cannot help but see it as a rope or a ladder out of the muck.
August fucking sucks.
I am done with this bullshit.
Booking my ticket.
***
I feel like this rant barely qualifies as a haibun, so maybe I should say “dVerse inspired” rather than “For dVerse”
***
1which I failed, btw. In my defense, instead of studying, I was interviewing for jobs and it was Passover – another crappy season.
Jewish Young Professional 
I’m glad you’re getting away!! I can’t imagine the Louisiana weather now!! 😮
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Disclaimer: I don’t actually live in Louisiana. I’ve never actually been there. I just picture it in August as a swamp of muck and dread. Which might be unfair.
I submitted the time off request. If my boss approves it, I am leaving!
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Oh! 😀 HA HA HA HA! You got me!! 😀
I’ve never been there, either!!
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Ranting is part of the haibun tradition—just read some of Basho’s while he journeyed across Japan. I enjoyed the frenetic pace of yours!
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Thank you! That makes me feel much better to be continuing tradition rather than just venting. (Not that I think that my haibun is worthy of comparison to Basho). I will definitely check him out! Thank you for the prompt and the recommendation!
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Your life is way too complicated. All the volunteer jobs that congregations, clubs, societies, and schools have for people like you to do will suck the life out of you, as you have expressed so well. I’ve been there, done that as they say. You need to get the hell out of Dodge! I hope your boss approves your PTO.
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Exactly! Those volunteer jobs wind up being so much more work than you bargain for, so draining, and so underappreciated. And other people don’t get it because you volunteered, so how bad could it be and why can’t you just quit.
My boss approved it! I am so happy to get away for a week.
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Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
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I hope you’re able to leave soon, that sounds so stressful.
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Thank you! My PTO request was approved. I am very happy to get away for a bit!
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Oh my god, that is awesome! 😀
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I can’t even imagine having that much going on. I hope you get to go on your vacation!
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I’m going! I feel happier just knowing that I’m going on vacation soon. Like all the social obligations I was not looking forward to at all feel more manageable. I’m going to be kicking myself later when I have to catch up on full-time work job and part-time teaching job, but for now, I am happy.
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Ugh! I don’t know what I wish for you ~ a vacay, or a lessening of your workload. But it sounds like you really want the vacay, so I’m rooting for that. I’ve never been to Louisiana either, but I kinda want a praline…
Good haibun! I wasn’t expecting your rant to turn into poetry 🙂
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Vacay all the way!! Because workload was never realistically going to lighten, so might as well go on vacation, right. Boss approved my PTO request 🙂
Thanks! I do feel like I’ve been down and complaining a lot lately. Better to turn this into poetry (albeit profanity-laced) than leave as a regular old rant, right?
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Absolutely! Bon voyage!
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Merci!
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Wow you are definitely burning the candle at both ends and both ends are soon going to burn out!! Take care of yourself and learn to say NO! If you don’t your body and mind will do it for you!!
Great haibun rant! :>)
Dwight
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Thanks – I figure a haibun rant is an improvement over a normal rant, right?!
Anyway, Boss approved the PTO request. It will be nice to have a break.
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Enjoy your much needed vacation!
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Thanks!
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I feel so much of this… Sigh.
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I suspect that a lot of people are feeling pressure like this from multiple sides.
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Meh. We’ve got this though, right?
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You sure appear to be feeling the pressure of too much of the wrong stuff going on for you. May the break serve you well.
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Thank you! Yeah, it’s been a lot. I am very much looking forward to this last minute vacation.
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“must add spiritual self-improvement to the growing list of tasks.”
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I know the Elul pre-HH messaging is coming from a good place. And there are some gems. But sometimes, spirituality-oriented writing has a way of making me feel resentful, inadequate, and annoyed. I have to be in the right space to hear it.
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I’m really happy to know that you guys are doing this ❤
Yours,
David
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P.S. I am not an expert (seriously), but this is a haibun in my book.
-David
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This might be my favorite haiku that I have ever written. There is something I really like about the combination of haiku and profanity.
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Go!!! Have a holiday!!! You need and deserve one, sister!!! Guilt is cheap these days. You can pick up a sack of it on any street corner. Just ignore the signs, the emails, the digs (real or imagined) and show yourself some compassion. I am barracking for you with pom poms and ra Ra hats (made those up) and a big old hooter. I am in the stands with a big ol JYP sign in tinsel and markers. You will see me there if you close your eyes.
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I am touched! I have my huge signs cheering you on in your recovery!
You are right – guilt is cheap.
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Go and let go.
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Thanks!
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Woohoo, go vacation!
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Just knowing that I am going is making me so much happier already. Like work and unwanted social obligations feel so much more manageable already
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That’s great!
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Enjoyed reading this. Though I’m sure your mood isn’t enjoyable at all.
It’s okay to rant. Good for the heart and mind. 🙂
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Mood improved significantly after my boss approved my vacation request and I booked the trip!
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Congratulations! Relax and enjoy!
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I hope you manage to relax! Also, leyning and sermoning is a big thing! I’ve long since forgotten how to do the former, and the latter was terrifying even when I was doing it more regularly.
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Some of this is self-inflicted obligation. Husband was initially offered the drash honor, but I got jealous because I hadn’t been offered an honor yet and I had half an idea for a drash whereas Husband did not (and didn’t care about being honored) so I kind of stole it. Which was dumb and impulsive. I still have an awesome beginning for a drash, and no middle or end yet!
Re: leyning, I was trying to get away with volunteering only for aliyot I have leyned in the past so I wouldn’t have to learn anything new (I do not fully know HH trope). But it looks like I’m going to have to learn something new because I am bad at saying no. At least HH aliyot are short.
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After reading of your endless duties and sermonizing, your haiku left me with a bit of a gasp! Underscores the fact that those who sermonize are quite as human as the rest of us! Relax. Take heart.
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Sorry – I don’t post warnings about profanity laden posts in my titles. Also, I absolutely think you can believe in G-d and be active in your religious community and still use profanity from time to time. But I apologize if I offended your sensibilities!
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Same here.
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I don’t even know what a haibun is but it works; sometimes we have to look after ourselves 🙂
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A haibun is a poetic form consisting of a few paragraphs of prose and a haiku. I hadn’t heard of it till recently myself! Thanks 😊
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thanks , I will check it out 🙂
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Man you are a busy bee. Don’t let yourself get burned out though. I hope your vacation will be a wonderful chance to rest and reset yourself emotionally, to clear out all the stress.
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Thanks – yeah, it feels awfully indulgent, but I think it will help a lot.
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This will be the making of you. The real you, not the you that everyone else wants or expects you to be. Safe travels ❤️👍
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This happens to be an organized group trip, so I’ll probably still be pretending to be likeable in a new group of strangers. But I won’t have to keep maintaining the façade of likeability that I normally have in front of everyone else.
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‘..pretending to be likeable…’! 🤣 I’m quite sure you are perfectly lovely as you are and the group will delight in your company. Anyway, what’s important for all of us to remember is to like ourselves first and foremost, especially when we don’t feel like it ❤️
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That retreat sounds like a great idea.
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I think so too!
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Under the layers of obligations, my mind sweats as much as my body as I sink resignedly into the Louisiana swamp that is August.–This may be one of the best descriptions of August I have ever read. Hope the month has turned out a bit better than you anticipated.
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Thanks! I must admit that I have never been to Louisiana – that was just my mental picture.
It has been better than I expected, thankfully
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Good to hear. 🥳
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