Struggling [Updated]

Update:

I feel touched and grateful for all of the deeply kind and thoughtful responses to this post of essentially thought/word-vomit with mild editing for readability.

The vomit metaphor, while gross, crude, and cliché, is apt. I actually do feel some of that relief that one feels after vomiting – the feeling of the nausea subsiding and the relief of getting whatever it was out of your system. I also feel a non-trivial amount of embarrassment that this is still a public post. I may take this down in a few days and hopefully return to more normal-style posts, but I wanted all of you who had left comments to know that they were appreciated.

If you found this post too relatable because you’re feeling this way yourself, I have no advice, but I wish you healing, comfort and peace. ❤

***

I didn’t want to write this post, but I don’t feel like I have anything else to write.

I’ve been struggling more lately. Writing an email has become an insurmountable task. Basic grooming and hygiene tasks felt insurmountable before too, but it feels worse now. I might well be wearing remnants of makeup from two days ago because I can’t remember taking it off. I feel disgusting, but I feel too exhausted to get up to wash my face or take a shower.

Beauty tip: Elizabeth and James Nirvana Black Dry Shampoo is amazing. I failed to shower and wash my hair before meeting up with people in person (eg. going to the office and out for drinks & karaoke afterwards) but I used this dry shampoo and this drunk woman at karaoke told me my hair was beautiful and she was playing with it for a good few minutes. This might have been boundary-crossing to some, but I was thrilled that my hair seemed beautiful and not grungy and gross, and I absolutely love when people play with my hair, so I didn’t mind at all. (Also compared to some of the boundary-crossing violations I’ve experienced at bars, this was nothing.)

Photo used without permission. This post is not sponsored..

Anyway, a friend had recommended this dry shampoo to me a while ago and I just tried it now. I don’t even think they make this product anymore. You can only seem to find it on reseller sites. The product description copy on this Amazon listing was clearly not written by the Elizabeth and James brand.

***

I’ve been sleeping more and I’m still exhausted. Note that “sleeping more” = going to bed between 10 PM and 1 AM, waking up between 2 – 4 AM, staying awake for awhile accomplishing absolutely nothing, and then sort of going back to sleep and waking up between 6 – 8 AM. I don’t set alarms. 8 AM is the latest I’ve ever woken up on a weekday, which scared me. And yet, I could barely keep my eyes open at 8.

***

It’s become apparent that I picked the wrong job offer. It’s clear now that I would have been happier taking the other job offer in May. Not to say that I didn’t have good reasons: I picked the job with the higher title, more money (at first glance), more perks (eg. more vacation days), and no relocation required. The other job would have meant relocating to another state/city in close proximity to Relatives I Did Not Want To Live In Close Proximity To. It was a lower title and less money, although given that this other city is a place with a lower cost of living, I might have come out ahead. I was too focused on the dollars in absolute terms to assess this properly. It would have been fewer perks and vacation days – my vacation and taking off for the Jewish holidays (not that I took off for all of them, but I did for Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, and 1st days of Sukkot and they were absolutely worth it) would have been more challenging if not impossible. But that other offer had work and a work environment that I would have enjoyed more. My parents actually made this point, and I was too stupid to listen to them.

That offer is not available anymore. There aren’t as many openings for a role I’d be looking for now, but there are some. But there’s a financial penalty of sorts for leaving this job too soon. I’m better off staying at current job for at least another 8 months if I can. And current job isn’t awful, but like….I’m not happy.

I don’t say that out loud though. When these two students entering my field interviewed me for a career mentoring conversation, I made it seem like I was happy with all my career decisions. When I met up with my friends who work in my industry, I made it seem like this job was the best job ever. (Also because one friend is younger and has a more impressive title than me and I felt inferior so I tried to hide that). That wasn’t actually hard – my company has a good reputation and the perks are awesome.

***

Life just feels meaningless and pointless. I know, I said I didn’t actually feel this way, but I lied. I feel this way all the time. I belong to a religion and I believe in G-d; I have not found either of those things to be hugely helpful in shaking the feeling that life is meaningless.

This blog feels like a lie in other ways too. Even the name, “Jewish Young Professional” feels like a lie – I haven’t written any great content about the Jewish world, I don’t feel young, and I can barely write an email, so much for professional.

***

I’m supposed to believe that we can improve our marriage. I don’t actually believe this. My husband isn’t manipulative and he isn’t a liar…but I don’t think he actually cares enough. Then again, because I know nothing is going to change, I’ve found myself mentally checked out too.

Still, I should be grateful. I can trust Husband not to do anything truly awful. He also spent an absurd amount of time helping my parents out with something this week. My parents are now treating us to Shabbat dinner this week . Mom talked to me to coordinate, but implied that this was a thank you gift to Husband; this actually had nothing to do with me. My family is both extremely awesome and extremely annoying; I cannot imagine having a different partner who would have the same level of patience with my family. One could definitely have a far worse marriage than this one.

That’s the thing. I’m not inherently afraid of being single. And while my looks are lackluster and I have not actually tried actively dating, I actually think I would not have so much trouble getting a date. Men are nowhere near as shallow and objectifying as they’re made out to be (I’ve found women to be much worse on this front, actually), and I am surprisingly good at flirting despite not being blessed in the looks department. But I don’t believe for a minute that I would find a partner that would be a better fit or that I could actually trust, or even just with whom the future would look brighter.

That’s the thing people don’t realize about cheating. In order to cheat, yeah, you need to have a relationship in crappy enough state that you’d consider it, sufficiently low morals to do it / the ability to rationalize it to yourself to get over any guilt, and sure, it’s easier if you’re good-looking enough that someone else is interested in you. But what you also need is the optimism to believe someone else is going to make you happier.

That’s why I don’t cheat. I can’t say it’s something I would never do because I have cheated in the past, so that is literally false. I know I am capable of the rationalizing and deception to cheat because I’ve done it before. But I also know cheating is pointless. Everyone else you can cheat with is also flawed, and I don’t have the optimism to believe that another partner would actually make me happier.

***

I’m not actually sure what I am complaining about. Life, by any objective measure is fine. This is really a me problem. I don’t know why I wrote this.

Time to get off the metaphorical floor and write emails.

71 comments

  1. Oh no! It sounds like you’re unhappy within your relationship! It’s okay to feel like your connection isn’t strong enough! It’s okay to be sad about that!! It’s okay to consider walking away from it! Is your husband your soulmate, or isn’t he? I find this very important!! 😮 ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I wish I had divorced or at least separated (into different homes) before cheating, though it didn’t feel like cheating at the time because he was so checked out. Actually he had probably never fully checked in! But it made me feel bad about myself for years… and you are absolutely right in that whoever you find will be too flawed to move forward with. Another cheater? Someone who pursues a cheater because they can’t commit emotionally? Meh…

    Anyway, I hope you find some peace with these issues 💖

    Liked by 3 people

  3. You got up enough energy to write this post. That’s a good sign. Depression is flat out depressing. I’m sure you get lots of advice on how to deal with it, but it takes not being depressed to have the energy to do the things that help you not be depressed. If you have a primary care doctor have you talked to him or her about your depression? There is a serious of questions doctors can ask that will help determine your level of depression. My daughter deals with depression. She got really bad for awhile. To the point she couldn’t do much of anything. She finally got on some anti-depressant drugs, which have helped a lot.

    Finding the right job is such a problem. Right now finding any job applicants, let alone qualified job applicants is a real problem for me and our company. We have a lot of work and not enough staff. I assume you could make upward moves fairly easily if your industry is experiencing the same labor shortage issues I’m seeing out here. I’ve been trying to get signs and new electronic access installed in our new building for 8 months. I finally got a monument sign made, and I installed it last week. After 5 different local sign makers said they couldn’t deal with, I found a place online that made the sign. Turned out the company is in India. I was wondering how I could get a 45×38 inch custom aluminum sign for $120 with shipping, when we got estimates ranging from $1800 to $4000 from the local sign makers who then told us they couldn’t make the sign for us, because of the labor shortage. It’s a very large sign, and now the boss thinks it’s too big seeing the actual sign, but it has to be that size to fit the monument base. I’ve done an alternate approach to the sign. I’m having it made out of rusty iron. That one is being made by a craftsman in Georgia.

    Marriage is a whole other problem. Fortunately, Laurie and I have similar interests and even when we don’t we take interest in each other’s interests. Even so we still drive each other crazy. I don’t want to talk about my job when I get home. One reason is that I’m kind of on the job all the time. I have to be there to take care of things wherever in the world I am. I’ve been in France on vacation and had to deal with office issue and do things for clients no one else could figure out. When Laurie gets home she goes on and on about her students and her day, and it drives me crazy. It’s that difference between women and men that women want to talk about their day and interact more than men, I’m generalizing, I know. I think that’s part of living with a person for going on 40 years now.

    If one or the other person is checked out, it’s like depression, whatever the person needs to do to check-in is insurmountable until the person comes to some realization.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Well, it’s probably more accurate to say that this post was an “I need to write this” vs. a reflection of having the energy to do something productive. Re-reading it now, I’m both touched by the comments and embarrassed that I wrote this in the first place. I might take it down soon.

      Thanks for sharing about your daughter’s experience. I was seeing a therapist at one point and it was useful in certain ways but I didn’t feel as though it was ultimately all that helpful. Could just be not such a great fit. It could be time to look into finding someone else and/or considering anti-depressants. I know this is common; there’s just this weird mental block about doing anything.

      Fair point about jobs. I don’t think my niche is experiencing quite the same labor shortages (openings seem to be about the same as they always were). I’m not likely to find another opportunity for which the compensation will make up for the financial penalty of leaving this one early. But then again, the thought of staying for another 8 months makes me feel trapped and antsy, even with the job not being all that bad and even with all the perks. So maybe it is worth job hunting again.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I would guess your depression has a lot to do with your job current dissatisfaction (guessing), and that mental block about doing anything (almost certain).

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Two things spoke to me here: (1) Your sleeping patterns are exactly as mine, and I’m (mostly) retired! I get frustrated just laying there and tossing and turning, but I do understand that eventually I will fall back asleep. Still, it doesn’t help that my wife is right next to me and is out like a rock from the moment her head hits the pillow till she wakes up in the morning(grrr). Also (2), you are absolutely right that each cheating partner is flawed in some way. I learned that the hard way during my prior marriage. Although in hindsight it was a good life lesson, I’d have just as well rather not learned it!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. It sucks that hindsight never works as present-sight. Coulda, shoulda, woulda, but it’s pretty tough to know at the time what things are going to look like down the road.

    If religion and good-ish circumstances were enough to keep people from getting depressed, there would be a whole lot fewer depressed people in this world.

    The human ability to rationalize is a powerful thing, and I think it’s likely to beat out morals any day of the week. But when everything feels pointless, even dry shampoo is more than enough effort to be making.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yeah. I’m trying not to beat myself up over the job decision. Choosing the offer that I ultimately chose really wasn’t a bad choice, and it is also possible that had I picked the other job , I could have wound up miserable too and in a location that is far from my first choice in Places I Would Like To Live. (It’s also possible I could have wound up in a different housing situation that would have made me happier though too). Boy, not beating oneself up over a job decision is difficult!

      If I didn’t need to, you know, write emails as part of doing work for a job, I’d agree with you re: dry shampoo level of effort. And I only did that because I was actually seeing people in person. If working from home, I would not have bothered.

      Liked by 1 person

        • Fair, although I also don’t like where I live now. (Actually contemplating a move to a different location – a whole other story).

          But yeah, there were valid reasons why I didn’t take the other job and not worth beating myself up now. Best thing to do now is to decide if I want to stay or look for another job recognizing there will be a penalty of sorts for leaving too early (which might be worth it, but also might not).

          Liked by 1 person

  6. Seems like you’ve currently got a lot in your mind and life in general. I’m not too sure what value it is for some stranger from nowhere to say this, but I hope that everything gets better for both you and your husband. Also, from what I’ve seen from your blog, you do come across as incredibly honest to me at least, so I decided to follow for that.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. There’s nothing I can say to make this better for you and I am so so sorry for your struggles. Just know that you’re special and important and beautiful and smart. With lots of love. ❤️❤️❤️

    Liked by 2 people

    • There’s some truth to that. This mental thought/word-vomit had a similar effect of relieving the nausea of keeping it inside. I still have some of that shakiness of “Oh god, can’t believe I made this post public” (which I might relieve later by taking it down – haven’t decided) but I also feel somewhat better having gotten it out of the system.

      Like

  8. Deeply touched by this. By you and the exposure you’ve shown. Have a lot to say and I also have very little to say because I know and feel the place you’re at is so familiar, enough to dry my mouth and bring some emotion. And with that I also know the validity of life being meaningless and even more so, existential bleakness. If we were in person and having coffee, much easier to have a flow of conversation.
    I do have an email on my contact page if you want to connect. If not, just know I am understanding of the things you’re describing and I send a hug out to you ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

  9. It reads like you are living with an element of depression at present. You express a lot of dissatisfaction with your life. Considering I don’t actually know you, I still feel sad to read it – you have made a worthwhile connection for this reader at least. You are clearly intelligent and an excellent writer and observer. I am have come to enjoy and learn from your reflective, intuitive and informative blogs. For what it is worth, my buffer against pointlessness is time in green spaces. I hope you can find the will and energy to take some action toward restoring your wellbeing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I shouldn’t be dissatisfied with my life; my life is overall quite blessed and pleasant, something I do not do a good job of recognizing. But I do feel these overwhelming feelings of depression, pessimism, and then sense that life is meaningless despite my good circumstances. I am glad I’ve managed to produce some worthwhile content in spite of this, and I’ve appreciated building connections and having conversations with you as well. The suggestion to get out in nature is a good one; I have spent too much time indoors lately which is not a good thing for me. Thank you for your kind words and well wishes.

      Like

  10. You are very authentic and vulnerable in this post. You obviously needed to get it out. This is good… And I appreciate every word you say because I can attest to almost all of it myself, too. Except the religious or Jewish part. I’m neither. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I think putting all of this into words is good. Once we’re able to name what exactly is wrong, that’s the first step towards feeling better. And while it may seem only like “complaining,” (which I don’t believe), it’s good sit with the emotions for a while rather than try and make them go away quickly. I don’t know why it is but it seems like a truism in life that when one thing is wrong everything is wrong. I don’t want to sit here and say You should do This and You should That. Sometimes things just have to be sat out. The good news is that you haven’t done something you’d regret, like cheating. I’m a religious person too, and when I’m not feeling it at all, I still keep up with services and things, going through the motions, until it tides me over to the time when I feel it again. But please be sure to make taking care of yourself a priority.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think the truism is in part because when one thing is going wrong, it is very very easy to see things through that negative lens and then if feels like everything is going wrong. I should clarify: arguably, nothing is going wrong. My external circumstances really are fine. Everything I wrote above about my feelings is still the case, but it feels disingenuous to say that everything is going wrong. I might not like my job, but it’s not a bad job. i might not get along with my husband, but he’s not a bad man. It’s hard to be balanced and objective.

      True, re: cheating. Already learned my lesson on the downsides of that by cheating in past relationships. Experience is both an unfortunate and effective teacher.

      I do hear you re: going through the motions of religious practice even when not feeling it. There were times when I felt like the motions weren’t helping, but I’ve also been skipping the motions of religious practice and can confirm that not going through the motions is also not helping.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’ve been going through a few things lately with worries about my family. I generally don’t talk about family/fiance on my blog out of respect for them. But I have worries I carry around like a pit in the center of my stomach. And I want a quick fix, like right now, and G-d’s not giving me what I want. Sometimes door after door is shut and you’re left with nothing. And in those moments, it’s really just you and G-d. I get a feeling of things burning off of me, every recourse I might take, every fix, every means, whatever, they all go away and now I am forced to rely on G-d. When the answer to our prayers is just no, no, no, no, no, and no, we eventually have to admit He’s saying no and ask, what is He trying to teach me? A new understanding of things can be born from this. We have to realize, all this stuff, jobs, money, looks, friends, none of this can save me from me. Even then, everything can be taken away in a minute. And then once again we’re left with nothing but us and G-d. If you really do believe, then I’d encourage more prayer time. I advocate going through the motions because it keeps us in the game and makes it easier to come back rather than leaving and starting over again. Too much reliance on the externals won’t help if we’re not feeling it inside and we will still end up in the nothing but us and G-d situation, but the external practices provide support and routine. I hope you don’t mind all this religious talk. For some reason, my blog primarily attracts atheists and so I don’t get much opportunity to discuss faith in a non-combative format.

        Liked by 2 people

        • I get that – the tension between feeling like G-d is not listening to / answering your prayers but also feeling like you need the help of a higher power. It’s a good point about prayer. Due to new screwed up sleep patterns (as opposed to the previous normal variety of screwed up sleep patterns) I’ve found myself deeply oversleeping on Saturdays, missing Shabbat morning services the last few weeks. At first I didn’t think that was having such a negative impact, but I’m starting to think that it is.
          I’m sorry to hear about the challenges re: your family and fiancé. That is so difficult. I hope things resolve well and that you should find healing, comfort, peace, and resolution.
          You are always welcome to talk about religion and G-d here! By the way, I hope I haven’t given the impression that I’m offended by the spelling of “God”. I write “G-d” out of habit, but for poetry that I want to be more universal, I’ll actually go back and change to “God” when I proofread. Truly, I want you to feel comfortable speaking about G-d here in whatever language you choose.
          I wish you felt more comfortable speaking about religion on your own blog, mostly because one’s blog should feel like a place where one can talk about whatever they want. But I totally get it. I don’t feel comfortable speaking about politics on my own blog, so I can’t judge.

          Liked by 1 person

        • Thanks for your well wishes regarding my family stuff. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay with God spelled out. I don’t personally think of the English word “God” as God’s real name but I like to err on the side of caution until I know otherwise. I’ve reached an age where unanswered prayers don’t make me feel abandoned or unheard; if anything, they worry me because it means I have been heard and now it’s lesson-time. I realized this because there were things I prayed for for nearly twenty years and couldn’t understand why I wasn’t being answered and it only recently has become clearer to me why. I have learned that quick fixes to make the boo-boos hurt less don’t really help our souls. I don’t write about religion much because quite honestly I’m not the best example and don’t help my own cause very much. And some people jump at the opportunity to denigrate and I don’t like that type of debate on my blog. If they wanna fight, they need to come meet me in the YouTube comment sections 🤛😉. I bet you never knew I was a troll.

          Like

        • Yeah, I know “G-d”/”God” isn’t a real name either, but I still do this out of habit, I suppose.
          I don’t know that any of us are the best example of model human, and if only perfect people were allowed to write, the writing in the world would be much, much crappier.
          Ha! I did not picture you as an YouTube troll. You make a good point. Much better to start fights on other people’s websites so you don’t have to moderate/clean up the mess.

          Like

        • I thought you were joking! Damn, girl! Who are you typically trolling? Godless heathens listening to secular music? Followers of the wrong political party? Lovers of country music? You don’t have to tell me, but I’ll admit I’m curious. Anyway, I can better understand why you’d want to limit the conversation topics on your own blog. I can’t really judge because there are topics I haven’t been willing to blog about out of fear of controversy / comment section fights either.

          Like

        • It’s hard to explain… but who knows, not everything has to be blogged about right away. Hopefully we’ll still be doing this for a while so you never know what twist or turn things will take. Even in a year and a half, things went very different than planned.

          Liked by 1 person

        • Good point. This blog could one day turn into a blog of sharp and timely political discussion actually insightful commentary on the Jewish world (which was going to be the original intent, but I got sidetracked by my own self) and absolutely no whining about my extremely pleasant and fortunate life circumstances. Stay tuned.

          Liked by 1 person

  12. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You’re clearly depressed and I know too well that it’s the most unpleasant thing anyone can experience. You don’t owe us any explanation for your absence here, but I’m beyond impressed that you could get yourself to write this despite being in that messy state. Plz be well soon. Sending prayers and loads of love 🤍💖🤍Here, have this rose of healing absolutely free of cost! 🌹

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your kind words and your beautiful rose of healing! This is the sweetest thing.
      This was more of an “I have to write something” word-vomit slightly cleaned up for publication. It actually helped in that I feel less mental nausea of keeping these feelings inside.
      You mention first-hand experience – I hope that you too can find healing and peace. I’ll give you a rainbow of gratitude and healing (also free of charge) 🌈

      Liked by 2 people

  13. It’s healthy to get problems off of your chest. The dry shampoo reminds me that my mother used some type of dry shampoo back in the 1960s whenever she didn’t feel up to washing her hair. I hope you feel better soon.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. There’s a G-d shaped hole inside each of us that only He can fill, a place that becomes living waters flowing within, revealing destiny and filling our lives with purpose. He is the source for everything good, for a calm content of soul, and for a joy much bigger than anything temporal this life has to offer. It’s not about who you are, it’s about Whose you are. Isaiah 43:1-7 is a lovely passage for this, speaking both to the individual (see vs 7) as well as to Israel (see vs 1). He is saying to you, “I have called you by name, you are Mine; you are precious in My sight, I love you”. There’s so much more of Him to discover than just religion by rote ❤️

    Liked by 3 people

  15. I belong to a religion and I believe in G-d; I have not found either of those things to be hugely helpful in shaking the feeling that life is meaningless.

    I know that feeling. Ditto regarding the job stuff, although for me it was turning down a job renewal/revision of terms of work back in 2018 that I sometimes feel was a massive mistake. That said, at other times think I may have had some kind of breakdown if I’d gone for that job renewal. Sometimes all the options we are presented with are bad, even if we don’t realise it at the time.

    I’m sorry you feel so bad. It’s OK to feel bad! I feel that that message isn’t really really broadcast enough in either Western or Jewish society. If it’s how you feel, you don’t need to apologise for it. It’s also OK for your blog to drift from what it was originally planned to be. I agree with other commenters that maybe some kind of medical intervention might be helpful, though.

    Feel free to email me if you think less public venting might help.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yeah. Re: the job thing, I suppose it’s hard to tell. I could have easily wound up hating living in Other Location, or, I could have actually come to love it a lot more than Current Location (which I actually don’t really like – currently exploring a move to another location, but that is a whole other story). But it is hard to know at the time.

      I feel some guilt at feeling bad because, and I can’t emphasize this enough, my circumstances themselves really aren’t bad. It’s a good job. Any other person would be grateful, if not totally thrilled, to be in my shoes. I just…But even if I got over the guilt for feeling bad, I think I’d rather just not feel this way in the first place.

      Thank you for understanding.

      Liked by 2 people

  16. You’re clearly hurting and my heart goes out to you. Being depressed, feeling that things are without meaning (I’ve been there too) is so emotionally painful. I hope things turn around for you real soon and that you feel better.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. All I can say is, I hear you and I feel you and have felt some of these emotions too. Writing always helps; it doesn’t offer solutions but kinda relieves the pressure one feels. What I can do virtually is offer you another cup of tea and a warm hug. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Shalom. A few words, in simpatico, by way of an analogy to prayer. There are two ways to pray, according to an article by Tzvi Weinreb. The first way is when the person praying is able to put everything into the prayers, whether through kavanah, a melodious voice, or overall enthusiasm. In this case, the prayer is upheld by the person praying.
    The other way to pray is when emotionally scattered, lacking enthusiasm, or otherwise disinterested in praying. Yet, when an individual prays anyway in this mental condition, he or she may find that the prayer carries the person; in this sense, prayer becomes an act of personal maintenance.
    A reminder, this is an analogy; I am not recommending any form of prayer; your religious path is your own. The analogy pertains to life in general; for example, waking to a new day, and finding that normal routines actually help to get one through the day. Life goes on aside from choices that seem less than optimal in hindsight. Besides, H’Shem can comfort you within your nisyanos (challenges). Shalom.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You make a fair point. Whether it is causation or correlation, I have also found myself praying less (partly due to deeply messed up sleep habits) and feel generally less connected to G-d.
      That said, even when I felt more connected, I didn’t feel like it brought more resolution to the feeling that life felt meaningless. Not praying also hasn’t brought resolution either though.
      Thank you

      Liked by 1 person

  19. Shalom. I hope you are doing better. I’ve experienced listlessness and physical/psychological exhaustion since my childhood, yet I am not a depressed person. When I was seven months pregnant with my third child, I began eating ice. I could not go a day without chewing on ice. I finally went in for some bloodwork. It turned out that my iron levels were extremely low. Iron supplements plus a high weekly dosage of Vitamin D prescribed by my N.P. pretty much cured me. I no longer have a craving for ice. I don’t know if this applies to you in anyway, but sometimes when spiritual people are experiencing depression, the root cause may be something organic such as a mineral deficiency.

    Liked by 1 person

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