Unpopular Opinions on Thesauruses and Penises

The thesaurus is a good tool 
if you want to take words
and weaponize them

into the unruly, verbose swords
of academia, so long, you fumble
while you wield them,
 
or into high scoring bingos for Scrabble. 
It is like bragging that you have
the longest, most sophisticated penis.

But Scrabble experts know how to score
more points with just two well-placed
letters; good poets (and good lovers)
 
know the best way to romance a woman
is to leave the perfect image lingering
on her lips like a long, slow kiss.
Dictionary and phallic symbol. By the way, check out this awesome music video about Weird Al’s big dictionary! Photo by SteveTaint on FreeImages.

***

Written for dVerse and EM-RWP

86 comments

  1. I didn’t expect to see a title like that in my inbox! I remember well the awkward papers in graduate school, the word salad that people nodded their heads to. If they just used plain language, we’d see how bankrupt it was of anything meaningful. I still get dazzled by thesaurus-inspired writing and I’ve got shake my head and focus.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. This poem was a heck of a verbal metaphor. One of the most original things that I have read in a while. Two-letter words have won more scrabble games than the ability to use all of the letters because often you don’t have the space to use them all. To use your penis metaphor, does it really fit in there?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Its getting hot in here πŸ˜€ *fans herself* one word. WOW! I especially loved; “good poets (and good lovers) know the best way to romance a woman.” Yes! πŸ’πŸ’

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I was watching the movie “Vita and Virginia” about Vita Sackville-West and Virginia Woolf a couple of nights ago, and there’s a scene where Virginia says to Vita “what is the greatest disappointment of your life?” and Vita replies “the first time I ever saw a penis”.
    It reminded me of your title for this. πŸ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

  5. When we had friends and played scrabble, our friends didn’t like playing with us because we knew too many foreign words. They would say “English ONLY”. I can’t say I have a big dick, but according to Grammarly, I have a big vocabulary, plus I have a really big lens. Some of the staff were complaining about pickup trucks with balls hanging off the hitches commenting on how men drive big trucks to make up for their little dicks. I said I have a little dick and drive a small car, how do you assess that? No comments were offered.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You know what they say: Men with big lenses and big vocabularies take awesome photos and play a mean game of Scrabble.

      Men with little dicks and small cars have better priorities than posturing about penis size. They’re probably off writing clever songs about cars or something.

      Liked by 1 person

      • True. But how much does it really matter? I have a friend who has a really big dick. I used to race bikes with him and his wife. His wife talked a lot about his big dick while we were training. His wife wasn’t satisfied I guess, because she was out with her boyfriend (don’t know his size) in my friend’s Ferrari while my friend was at work. His wife let her boyfriend drive the Ferrari and he totaled it. Needless to say, my friend no longer has his unsatisfied wife.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Ouch. Your poor friend. It’s one thing to lose an unsatisfied and unfaithful wife (probably a blessing in disguise). But to have your Ferrari totaled by your wife’s boyfriend – that’s just cruel.

          Also, I love dumb inappropriate conversation as much as the next person, and yet I cannot fathom a circumstance in which I would feel compelled to talk about my husband’s dick size with his friends.

          Liked by 1 person

          • I know. I didn’t want to hear about it, but I was polite. He is a world champion bike racer and holds many national and world records. I was lucky to train and race with him. So if his wife wanted to discuss his dick, who was I to say anything one way or the other? She was a real piece of work. It was a blessing for him to divorce her. It’s too bad he had to lose the Ferrari as part of the process. The woman he married, after all that, seems like a really nice person. They have since moved to Oakridge, Tennessee, so I haven’t heard from him in years.

            Liked by 1 person

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