Yes, The World Sucks and Yes, I Want Children Anyway

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As a woman in my 30s who doesn’t have children but who potentially still could (and I include adoption under the definition of “having children” in this context, as I’m extremely open to adoption), this affects how I view Fandango’s Provocative Question. But before I get into the question of children, let’s set the context for the state of the world.

Yes, The World Sucks…

Let’s start with the obvious. Between poverty, inequality, deeply broken political systems, terrorism, racism, sexism, massive environmental problems, human rights violations, the state of media, education, and social media, the impact of COVID, and recent war, the world is deeply broken and fucked up. I think many would agree that we live in a world that is frightening in terms of the amount of and magnitude of its problems. And I don’t really think there is reason to believe that things will improve in any meaningful way any time soon. So, we’ve established that the world sucks.

Photo by Mikhail Nilov from Pexels

Compared To What?

But when considering the question of whether children born into this world will have a better life than previous generations, it’s important to consider the baseline that we’re comparing to. I do not claim to be a scholar of history, but was there really a time in history when there weren’t egregious human rights violations, diseases, humanitarian crises, and/or geopolitical conflict going on in some part of the world? I also do not really believe that there have been any real changes in the nature of humanity. Humanity has largely sucked throughout most of human history. That arguably hasn’t changed.

Also, I think it’s also important to recognize the ways in which the world has improved vs. the past. We have advances in medicine and technology that our ancestors couldn’t have dreamed of. Expectations like marrying for love, having an education, having some flexibility in choosing a job/field – these are things that we’ve only come to expect as a given comparatively recently; these weren’t always an option in previous generations. There’s a ton of work to be done still to ensure a safe, fair, just world for all, no question. But I think it’s important to acknowledge where there have been improvements. I’ll also acknowledge here that in spite of the general global chaos and awfulness, my personal circumstances are good. (This is something I don’t always do a great job of appreciating).

Reframing The Question of Children

Fandango’s question as originally worded was “Do you think, given everything that is going on in the world, that children born these days will have a worse or better life than their parents?” But to me, this question is somewhat irrelevant and suggests a false choice between the possibility of having children now and having children a generation ago. If the answer is that children born today would have a better life, a person who had children 25-30 years ago likely can’t have children again now to take advantage of this. And on the flip side, if children born today have it worse than children born 25-30 years ago, there’s nothing that I as a woman in my 30s now considering children can do about that. I can’t go back in time and have children 30 years ago. No one can go backwards or forwards in time. The relevant, actionable question is not whether children were better off being born in the shitty world of 30 years ago vs. in the shitty world of now, but whether, given that the world is shitty, should one bring children into it.

To Have Children in a Shitty World

Many have agonized over the question of, given the state of the world, particularly with respect to climate change, should they bring children into the world.

The legacy we’ve left future generations? Image by Pete Linforth from Pixabay

Everyone in entitled to their own opinions on this, and the decision on whether to have or not to have children is deeply personal. I don’t begrudge anyone’s personal decision on the question of whether to have children. I do question the premise that this is a more uniquely awful time to have children vs other points in human history. Keep in mind that children have been born in concentration camps. During genocides and in war zones. In the midst of natural disasters. During the Bubonic Plague. But even though this reason does not really resonate with me, I respect anyone’s personal decision regardless of their reasons.

It is important to remember that this is a question between having children in a shitty world vs. not having children at all. The question isn’t having children in a shitty world vs. a non-shitty world. Obviously, the non-shitty world would be ideal, but that doesn’t exist. There isn’t some alternate non-shitty world place where you can have children there instead if you don’t like this world.

There is no alternate planet in case you dislike this one. Photo by Markus Spiske from Pexels

I Want Children

The world is shitty, and likely going to get shittier. I want children anyway. Perhaps this is selfish, although I don’t think this is any more or less selfish than any other personal desire for anything else.

Realistically, there is only so much I can do to make the world my children live in less shitty. There is only so much I will be able to do to shelter them from the shitty world. I can only do my part to make my family/home/community for them as beautiful, supportive, safe, happy, loving and nurturing as possible.

Perhaps my children will get mad at me for raising them in a shitty world. I mean, I hope they don’t, but children often get mad at their parents for the decisions their parents made at some point during their lifetime, so this could certainly happen. Of course, my choices here are “raise them in the least shitty world that I possibly can” or “not have/raise them at all”. If circumstances permit (I’ve already written extensively about how very unhappy I am that I do not have, and may never have, children), I choose “raise them in the least shitty world that I possibly can”.

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