A Funny Recap of Mother’s Day 2021

Sunday, May 2, 2021 (Week Before Mother’s Day 2021)

I talk to Mom about Mother’s Day Plans. Between COVID, the Non-Local Siblings being non-local, and Local Sibling currently arguing with Mom, a gathering of the whole family seems unlikely. That said, I tell Mom I’d love to see her. We agree that I will bring over takeout from a favorite restaurant to my parents’ house for a nice lunch. Everyone is happy with this plan.

Make plans for Mother’s Day in advance? Check! Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

Saturday, May 8, 2021 (The Day Before Mother’s Day)

9 AM

Dad sends an email with details of an entirely new, never before discussed Mother’s Day plan.

Advance plans? Lol, nope! Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

The entirely new plan involves an indoor activity and indoor dining at a restaurant due to impending rain. Dad says there is no obligation given COVID risk tolerance, last minute nature of the plan, and the distance for Non-Local Siblings.

Still, I think the plan sounds nice. I’m down. I don’t respond back because I’m “keeping Shabbat” (my family knows this) still and am not yet open about not fully keeping it. Also, it’s time for virtual Shabbat services.

9 AM – 2 PM

The Siblings RSVP. Non-Local Sibling #1 isn’t coming. Non-Local Sibling #2 is undecided. Local Sibling & Local Sibling-In-Law are coming. Local Sibling doesn’t like the restaurant Dad had proposed. Dad says “Ok find another one.” Local Sibling does and makes a reservation, assuming that Husband and I are coming because we are local. I keep pretending I’m not looking at phone notifications and that I don’t know any of this. We finish services and eat Shabbat lunch.

2 – 6 PM

It is time to ask Husband whether he intends to come. Husband is not happy because the plans are not sufficiently COVID-safe for his risk tolerance. In fact, he is fucking pissed. We start fighting:

Husband: These plans aren’t COVID safe. We can’t go.

JYP: What “we”? You don’t want to go that’s on you, but I’m going.

Husband: You’re putting both of us at risk.

JYP: You can’t tell me I can’t see my family.

If I were writing up our marital arguments as a musical composition, I would put a coda here because the above essentially repeated (multiple times), sometimes with less kind language.

What, you mean you don’t set your marital arguments to music? Photo by Pavel Danilyuk: https://www.pexels.com/photo/close-up-photo-of-a-musical-sheet-7520814/

Finally, after a bunch of repetitive arguing, we reach a rare moment of productive communication:

Husband: Why don’t you tell your family to stop bullying you?

JYP: Why don’t you come up with alternate plans that fit your “standards” instead of expecting someone else to do it?

Husband: Ok, so in my opinion, we should meet outdoors-

JYP: -No, you come up with a new plan.

This is what qualifies as “productive communication”

6 PM

Husband researches restaurants in the area where he can reserve outdoor seating in a not-rained-out area for a large group on Mother’s Day at the approximate time when we want to eat. He is unsuccessful.

Then, I think of an alternate plan to propose to my parents: Husband and I will wake up early and bring over a nice breakfast to eat with my parents outside on their deck before the rain is supposed to start. This means my parents will spend the morning with us, the afternoon with Local Sibling & Local Sibling-in-Law, and the Non-Local Siblings will call/Zoom/send cards. It is basically the same as the plan I agreed on with Mom last week except it’s earlier and Husband is coming. I emphasize words like “early” and “morning” because Husband is notoriously bad at mornings.

Husband agrees to the plan and thanks me for proposing an alternative. We stop fighting.

Since we’re still pretending to keep Shabbat, I decide to call my parents after Shabbat to tell them the alternate proposal.

7 PM

Surprise! Non-Local Sibling #2 is coming after all! “Update the reservation,” Non-Local Sibling #2 proclaims proudly. Local Sibling agrees to update the reservation, although Local Sibling does not adapt well to change and is annoyed because reservations are difficult on Mother’s Day during a pandemic. I don’t contact Local Sibling because I’m still pretending to keep Shabbat.

9 PM

Shabbat is over. I call Mom & Dad with my counter-proposal. Dad is exasperated and overwhelmed by the thought of last-minute changes. Mom & Dad say they will think about it and call back.

11 PM

Mom texts a counter-counter-proposal that involves going to a park I’ve never heard of in the rain. This sounds ridiculous. I say screw all counter proposals and I agree to meet up in the afternoon per the “original” (Dad’s) plan. Also, I want to see Non-Local Sibling #2.

Husband and I go back to fighting – same fight from 3 PM with more colorful vocabulary.

Portrait of JYP & Husband. Image by Afif Kusuma from Pixabay

Sunday May 9, 2021 (Mother’s Day)

Midnight – 2 AM

Husband and I go to bed, although both of us are too pissed off to sleep, so we keep periodically waking the other one up to say something nasty until we eventually fall asleep.

I violate my own marriage advice – neither of us gets naked. Make up sex is not even remotely a possibility because we each think the other person is a total asshole. This is why you shouldn’t listen to unqualified advice-givers on the internet.

9 – 10:30 AM

I start showering and getting dressed. Husband and I continue fighting.

10:30 AM

It’s time for The Weekly Family Zoom Call! Husband and I smile and pretend to like each other.

Portrait of JYP & Husband at 10:30 AM. Image by Abhishek Kandel from Pixabay

11 AM

The Weekly Family Zoom Call concludes. Husband and I resume arguing.

Portrait of JYP & Husband at 11:00 AM. Image by Afif Kusuma from Pixabay

2 PM

I meet up with Parents, Non-Local Sibling #2, Local Sibling, and Local Sibling-in-law for the indoor activity.

Local Sibling: Where’s Husband?

JYP: (delicately) He’s not coming.

Local Sibling: (exasperated) It would have been nice if you told me this before I made the reservation.

JYP: Would you like me to call the restaurant and tell them we are one less person?

Local Sibling-In-Law: We don’t need to call the restaurant. It’ll be fine.

Local Sibling: (dramatically) It’s fine.

Parents, Non-Local Sibling #2, Local Sibling, and Local Sibling-in-law, and I enjoy indoor activity.

4 PM

Parents, Non-Local Sibling #2, Local Sibling + Local Sibling-in-Law and I drive over in our respective cars to the restaurant which Local Sibling made a reservation for early dinner.

4:15 PM

I get a flat tire en route to the restaurant. Luckily, I manage to get the car into a legal parking spot. The tire is completely flat. FML.

A portrait of my car. Image by Christos Giakkas from Pixabay

4:30 PM

Everyone arrives the restaurant. (The restaurant, btw, doesn’t care about having one less person than the reservation). I tell my family about the flat.

“No biggie,” says Non-Local Sibling #2. “I’ll help you put on the donut before I go back to [Non-Local Location]. It won’t take long.”

I thank Non-Local Sibling #2. We eat and have a good time. This is, by far, the best part of Mother’s Day weekend.

6 PM

We leave the restaurant. Non-Local Sibling #2, Parents, and I go to my car. Non-Local Sibling #2 starts trying to remove the lug nuts.

6:15 PM

The skies open. It starts pouring rain.

Outside with the car in the torrential downpour. Image by kalhh from Pixabay

7:30 PM

The lug nuts will not come off. Neither the wrench from my car, nor the one from Mom & Dad’s car, nor the one from Non-Local Sibling #2’s car fit these lug nuts.

Everyone is wet. Non-Local Sibling #2 is completely soaked, because Non-Local Sibling #2 has been on hands and knees in the puddles trying to get the lug nuts off.

It’s time to call roadside assistance. Roadside assistance via my insurance is unavailable because they won’t come to this location. Mom has to call her roadside assistance.

8 PM

Non-Local Sibling #2 leaves, hours after they’d planned to, and soaking wet without a towel or change of clothes, to drive home, which is several hours away. I feel terrible about this.

Parents & I continue waiting for roadside assistance. Even if I could convince my parents to go home (I can’t) they can’t because it’s Mom’s roadside assistance account, not mine. It’s still pouring so we’re all stuck just standing there, waiting for roadside assistance. Worst Mother’s Day present ever.

This sucks. Image by Wolfgang Claussen from Pixabay

8:30 PM

I try calling Husband. Watching my mother waiting in the rain on Mother’s Day is driving me crazy. I’m seriously considering getting a ride from Husband, leaving the car overnight in this parking spot that will no longer be legal on Monday and coming back on a not-rainy day to an expensive parking ticket, just because waiting in the rain is so miserable.

Husband does not pick up the phone. Possibly because we are still fighting.

8:45 PM

Roadside assistance arrives! Roadside Assistance Guy explains that there’s an issue for my car model where the lug nuts swell up. There are great jokes to be made about swollen nuts here, but I’m not in the mood. He has to use a power tool to get them off. [Insert more jokes].

9 PM

Roadside Assistance Guy puts on the donut. We all go home.

Sort of. Mom insists on following me back much of the way home, which is out of her way. Also, nothing like your parents following you in the car going 45 mph on the highway because of the donut to give you flashbacks of learning to drive. It takes an irritatingly long time to get home.

Home is actually a crappy apartment that does not look like this stock photo. But when you have been standing in the rain with a flat tire for the last few hours, it looks pretty amazing. Photo by Luke Stackpoole on Unsplash

Non-Local Sibling #2 gets home around or after midnight.

Why Did I Write This

Why did I make you suffer through 1500+ words of marital arguments and bad memories from a year ago (sorry, btw)? Really, I wrote this recap for me to maintain some perspective. I don’t really like Mother’s Day (although I acknowledge that I’m incredibly fortunate to have a mother I’m close with who is in good health, and for this I’m incredibly grateful – there are many people who have a much harder time today and my heart goes out to anyone who is struggling). This year is filled with plans, some of which I’m excited about and some of which less so. But if there are no 12+hr arguments or flat tires, I’m going to consider Mother’s Day this year a massive win.

(Also, I deleted Facebook from my phone and I’m not talking to any of my Facebook friends.)

Update

9:30 AM May 8, 2022 (Mother’s Day)

Sibling-in-Law texts asking if we can do a group Zoom call for Mother’s Day at a time that is convenient for them (and inconvenient for us). Sibling-in-Law has not made any plans until this moment. The text suggests that we (the supposedly happily child-free ones) have limitless disposable time and can just adapt seamlessly to their schedule.

Actually, we have lots of time-sensitive plans today. Few things piss me off more than parent-peers assuming my time is meaningless. I text that we cannot fit in a Zoom call (do you know how long and irritating those are?) but will give them a call at some point today.

I vent to Husband, saying that I think Sibling-in-Law is rude and disrespectful to just assume we are available at a moment’s notice. Husband thinks Sibling-in-Law is reasonable and then tries to fuck around with our previously-scheduled, time-sensitive plans to accommodate them.

We start fighting.

Happy Mother’s Day! Photo by George Dolgikh @ Giftpundits.com: https://www.pexels.com/photo/purple-petaled-glower-besode-pen-2072162/