No, not that kind of quickie. Really more of a quick update. I just like clickbait titles.
I’m pessimistic and self-deprecating as they come, but the tone of some of my recent posts was starting to bother even me, and I felt some pre-holiday updates were needed:
The Bar Mitzvah
The bar mitzvah was better than I expected. Would I have had a better time if I were a man? No question. (It was yeshivish with the men and women at separate tables and the women didn’t dance.) My cousin’s bat mitzvah was a better time by many, many orders of magnitude. But making conversation with all the women I didn’t/barely knew was not terrible. Mostly we just complained about the housing market. (I have zero positive updates on that subject). No one even remembered to ask me about the sore subject of my nonexistent children because we were too busy complaining – it was great! Honestly, I’m not being sarcastic. Also, the dessert was amazing. Speaking of dessert,
Weight Loss Plan (Ha!)
I decided to care about weight loss and dieting after Shavuot. Which is the wrong answer from a weight loss perspective, but the right answer from an enjoying the holiday perspective. I found four people I don’t dislike and invited them for fondue. Two of them happen to be my ridiculously wonderful parents. I ordered special dessert because it’s a holiday. Of course, this exchange happened:
Mom: What would you like us to bring? Should we bring dessert?
JYP: You don’t need to bring anything. We have dessert.
Mom: Ok, I’ll bring cheesecake and brownies.
Because in Mom’s brain, “We have dessert” translates to “Bring more dessert, please“. Granted, this was totally predictable. The good news is that I bought another pair of the one style of jeans that fits and actually flatters my current ass size (as opposed to the other pairs of jeans in my closet, which fit my previous ass size).
In other words, I’ve decided that Body Resigned Acceptance does not mean giving up cheese for Shavuot. Body Resigned Acceptance means clothes-shopping in a not-delusional way. Also, I’ve decided to learn to speak “Mom” because apparently, we don’t speak the same language.
The feminist in me hates that I hate the all-night learning (or learning generally) because I feel like it makes me look like a stereotype. But the good news is that the local congregation finally released the schedule of speakers and lecture/discussion topics, and some of them looked surprisingly interesting. I am kinda looking forward to this holiday.
I really appreciate all of the supportive comments on my previous negative posts, and I wanted to give you an update on how things have improved. Gonna be offline for a bit (I am no longer fully Shabbat/Yom Tov observant, and am not interested in going back to full Shabbat/Yom Tov observance, but I also don’t expect to be on WP much if at all for the next few days.)