Jewish Young Professional "JYP"

Pre-Shavuot Quickie

No, not that kind of quickie. Really more of a quick update. I just like clickbait titles.

You have to admit, “Pre-Shavuot Quickie” is a better title than “Pre-Shavuot Update”. It’s not even a contest. Photo by Markus Winkler: https://www.pexels.com/photo/close-up-shot-of-a-typewriter-4160071/

I’m pessimistic and self-deprecating as they come, but the tone of some of my recent posts was starting to bother even me, and I felt some pre-holiday updates were needed:

The Bar Mitzvah

The bar mitzvah was better than I expected. Would I have had a better time if I were a man? No question. (It was yeshivish with the men and women at separate tables and the women didn’t dance.) My cousin’s bat mitzvah was a better time by many, many orders of magnitude. But making conversation with all the women I didn’t/barely knew was not terrible. Mostly we just complained about the housing market. (I have zero positive updates on that subject). No one even remembered to ask me about the sore subject of my nonexistent children because we were too busy complaining – it was great! Honestly, I’m not being sarcastic. Also, the dessert was amazing. Speaking of dessert,

Weight Loss Plan (Ha!)

I decided to care about weight loss and dieting after Shavuot. Which is the wrong answer from a weight loss perspective, but the right answer from an enjoying the holiday perspective. I found four people I don’t dislike and invited them for fondue. Two of them happen to be my ridiculously wonderful parents. I ordered special dessert because it’s a holiday. Of course, this exchange happened:

Mom: What would you like us to bring? Should we bring dessert?

JYP: You don’t need to bring anything. We have dessert.

Mom: Ok, I’ll bring cheesecake and brownies.

Because in Mom’s brain, “We have dessert” translates to “Bring more dessert, please“. Granted, this was totally predictable. The good news is that I bought another pair of the one style of jeans that fits and actually flatters my current ass size (as opposed to the other pairs of jeans in my closet, which fit my previous ass size).

In other words, I’ve decided that Body Resigned Acceptance does not mean giving up cheese for Shavuot. Body Resigned Acceptance means clothes-shopping in a not-delusional way. Also, I’ve decided to learn to speak “Mom” because apparently, we don’t speak the same language.

Shavuot

The feminist in me hates that I hate the all-night learning (or learning generally) because I feel like it makes me look like a stereotype. But the good news is that the local congregation finally released the schedule of speakers and lecture/discussion topics, and some of them looked surprisingly interesting. I am kinda looking forward to this holiday.

***

I really appreciate all of the supportive comments on my previous negative posts, and I wanted to give you an update on how things have improved. Gonna be offline for a bit (I am no longer fully Shabbat/Yom Tov observant, and am not interested in going back to full Shabbat/Yom Tov observance, but I also don’t expect to be on WP much if at all for the next few days.)

Be well,

JYP

Not really sure what the etiquette is for after a blog quickie. Let’s assume is a stock photo of a handshake. Photo by Mikhail Nilov: https://www.pexels.com/photo/business-people-shaking-hands-8297616/

42 comments

  3. I enjoy your blogs. I enjoy learning about your culture. I wanted to be supportive of your feelings regarding weight. I despise what the beauty and diet culture does to us as women. I am not the first one to say do this diet etc. I understand the mom language, my mom speaks the language of denial. My husband has gained a large amount of weight because I am a good cook. He asked me yesterday to measure out his food from some weird diet book he found. I am thinking of the healthiest response to him. By the way, your title made me laugh.

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  7. You got a lot of verbiage into that quickie update. I hate segregation by gender. I hate segregation, period. There is nothing more boring than people like myself. I love learning about all the cultural quirkiness of other people. There may not be a lot of diversity at a Bar Mitzvah, however. Amazing how moms’ brains work. It’s like they are hardwired for bringing more of what you already have. Buying clothes that flatter your ass is sensible. The thing with dieting is you need to chose a diet and stick with that diet or something similar forever. Otherwise, once you’ve lost weight, if you go back to your prediet ways, all the weight comes back with a vengeance. It’s like your body is saying “WTF were you trying to do?” I hope you have a great time with your holidays.

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  10. I agree you should not be so impulsive and start a diet immediately just because you read about it in one of those books. It’s important to think these things through and prepare, to cultivate the right attitude. You can’t rush wisdom! Maybe after Shavuot.

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      • I think maybe! I was sort of kidding, but, yeah. I think we stress ourselves sometimes by imposing too many conditions–including diets. And all the holidays and observances. I diet by necessity because of type-2 diabetes, and partly because of that, many holidays and occasions become less fun and more tests of my moral fiber, plus my wife was never happy that on Thanksgiving I wouldn’t eat second helpings and a couple pieces of pie as tradition called for.

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  11. Don’t ever apologize for being negative and complaining! That’s how friendships are made. The learning thing sounds cool to me. I know you’re offline for a little while but let me know when you come back what that’s all about.

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    • I wanted to protest and say, “No that’s ridiculous – friendships are made based on mutual respect, shared interests, etc.” but you do have a point. There’s also the element of mutual beneficial shared space for negativity.

      The learning was not as good as advertised. The topic that I thought might have a bit of humor was actually not funny, mildly offensive (granted, the speaker was talking about a source in the text that was already offensive, not that the speaker himself was offensive, but he didn’t do much to improve it), one legitimately interesting point was made, but I found the rest of the discussion boring. I’m not the best person to judge because study is not my primary way to connect to Judaism, but sometimes, speakers/topics just aren’t very good.

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      • Well, there are types of complaining that are just plain annoying. There’s an art to commiserating about things. I think that’s how friendships are made, when you and someone else see you’re real with each other.

        Have you written any posts about your personal way of connecting with Judaism? I’m sure you have, maybe you can point me in the direction. I personally tend to be someone who approaches things through the head.

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        • Fair point. Artful, meaningful, honest commiseration vs. mindless complaint. “The Art of Commiserating About Things” sounds like a good title for something.

          I haven’t really written a post on connecting with Judaism. This post (https://jewishyoungprofessional.wordpress.com/2021/02/28/an-unhappy-post-about-a-happy-holiday/) probably comes closest, although it also borders on not-artful complaining. Honestly, I’m overdue for a proper post on that. We could give ourselves the challenge of writing this post (I’d be curious to read yours too!) and set a deadline to make it happen?

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          • I do like your idea, and I’ve thought about writing on the topic, but I’m not sure how I’d approach it right now, especially considering that I have a number of combative readers and I’d have to be in the mood to read the comments and answer them gracefully. I do have readers, such as yourself, who are capable of being adults about the fact people have different beliefs and who can discuss them peacefully and in a spirit of sharing. Others, not so much. I’m not ashamed of my beliefs or anything, it’s just a question of knowing it will be a debate with certain people and not feeling it at the moment. I’ve experienced some negative real-life encounters lately too. I wrote a draft about something related to religion, maybe I’ll edit/post it and see if I’m right, and then go from there.

            Liked by 1 person

          • You could guest post / interview for my blog, which means I’ll handle the bulk of the comments? But don’t let me pressure you. I’m intrigued by the idea, but this is 100% optional and not intended to cause stress or obligation. I totally get the lack of enthusiasm to entertain a more combative comment section, particularly on such a personally meaningful subject. I’m also sorry to hear about your negative real-life encounters. That really sucks.

            Liked by 1 person

  12. The jeans that fit your ass should be enshrined in bronze (like little baby shoes) and hung on the wall as a reminder of the good old times. This is also an excuse to do more SHOPPING!

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  15. Whew! I’m glad people have been giving you encouraging words. I was gonna joke that you HAD to know there was a following glitch, because I would never, ever allow all that self-deprecating ❤

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