The offered job in the offer letter and home in the sales contract are in different locations, but both unsigned agreements are open on my computer; I flick between the tabs.

In the world of pandemic, war, shortages, and inflation, all markets are volatile, and all predictions flawed. No one knows how to best insulate against the next storm. It’s hard to know what to value now.

The job offers the money needed to purchase the home. The home drains liquid assets but offers a desirable benefit that the current apartment does – space to (hopefully) start a family. The job’s salary makes the cost of having children (as a woman nearing 40, I no longer have the luxury of time to spend on natural methods with dwindling probability of success) more accessible but moving out of the one-bedroom rental into the house makes a home study for adoption placement feasible.

My mind yo-yos between flexibility and stability. This decision, and the narrow window in which to make it, feels precarious; should I make the wrong choice, there is less time to course-correct.

Cruising ship? Anchored oak?

Which is better to weather

this stormy steel sky?

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay


Go Dog Go Cafe, W3, Twiglets. I drew inspiration from “My anchor is well cast, and my ship, though weather-beaten, will outride the storm” Samuel Hopkins, theologian from dVerse, but I found the prompt to write a deathbed poem somewhat distasteful so I’m not doing it. Still, I’ll give credit for the inspiration.


  1. Tough decision. I’m at a similar fork in the road – deciding on my future career. It’s so much harder once you have kids I’ll say that much. I wish you all the best whatever you decide 🙏

    Liked by 1 person

  2. i was wondering if you were going to look for a new job (based on your recent posts) yes, a pandemic, inflation, war and threats of more war, uncertainly, fear, been there and done that so yes indeed, very important, very very. (and normally, i don’t give advise, especially when no one is asking, also, i’ve been told that i’m not a good source for such things, and i believe them, but i like you, i think you’re good people, so i’m giving it a whack, please forgive me) don’t forget happiness, that’s really important too. i didn’t read much in your post about happiness in any of the job prospects, which is the thing i think you are really looking for. good luck whatever you decide i wish you the best, and always enjoy reading

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for this. There isn’t a lot of happiness in this post – partly because I was trying to fit this into a short haibun to fit prompts (silly, but I have two other drafts started about this whole situation and I couldn’t finish them – turns out an overworked and tortured haibun is what it took to get this on my blog), but also partly because I’ve been finding it challenging to figure out what will make me happy/happier/happiest. I find that I want things that contradict each other. Even just focusing on job/career, the things I want from a job contradict each other.

      Also, don’t sell yourself short. I don’t put much weight on advice from other people (I find it’s usually wrong) but you make a very good point here. I think you are probably better at advice than you think. Thank you!


  3. Objectively, times are never ideal. Sometimes it’s best to take a step back then discuss our concerns with a trusted confidant. Ultimately, we must trust our heart and intuition while taking risks. Best wishes to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. agreed, the world is messed up. disagreed, that anyone should let that mess up their personal decision-making (unless directly, personally and significantly impacted). otherwise no one would ever have done a damn thing.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. These are uncertain times, indeed. It’s becoming harder to decide between flexibility and stability. That said, we must continue to live our lives, regardless. All the best with making these difficult decisions. And oh, congrats on your new job!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I forgot where I learned this, and I don’t know if you’ve already made a decision, but maybe it’ll be helpful for the next decision…but here’s what I now do: visualize a fork in the road with both decision on either side. Wherever you naturally lean towards walking is what you should do 😉

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