How Not To Write A Poem

Give it an epic title befitting its heavenly status. This is The Poem of The Century.

Don’t edit.  Every word you have breathed, every phrase farted out of your magical ass is a fairy, voluptuous in beauty and meaning, released into the atmosphere for all to worship its timelessness.

Use airy verbose language and high-brow abstract concepts, never deigning to ground your oeuvre in earthy imagery or common tongues. Label anything unclear as symbolism.  The lowly reader who doesn’t understand is a simpleton. 

Do not observe.  Do not think. Do not revise. Do not doubt. 

And when I read your poem, through the deep caves of thought, I hear a voice that sings (badly) and it is yours, singing to and for itself, filling the air with self-serving, pointless vibrations.

From The Sunday Muse


Poets And Storytellers United, The Sunday Muse, Living Poetry, dVerse (prosery), dVerse [elements (hot air)]


  1. Wow, well it’s nearly impossible to not write like that especially when trying to fit a poetry structure (rhyme patterns, length requirements, syllable requirements ect)

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I hope that the poem entitled “👑 Reign not SoundEagle🦅’s Flight, For I seek thy Crested Might ⚜️” that I just published a couple of hours ago has not courted or exhibited any issues that you have highlighted here.

    Thank you for your advice.

    Yours sincerely,

    Liked by 3 people

    • Damn, this comment is poetic. Guilty as I feel about having created the graveyard of broken literary dreams, sometimes those magical ass fairies just need to be put in their place. They think they’re like, G-d’s gift to humanity and bringers of world peace, and I’m like, actually, you’re just a fart. Get a grip.

      Liked by 1 person

    • You know, I believe all’s fair in poetry rules and advice. I’m the first to tell you that I have many strong opinions about poetry (not all of which I’ve published on the blog yet, but stay tuned), and I honestly believe that I am right and that poetry that does not follow my advice generally comes out worse. That said, I’ve read plenty of stuff that breaks my advice and I’ve been surprised and humbled by how good it is. So, you should feel no obligation to promise to follow my advice! (I’m also just an unimportant random stranger from the internet – don’t take me too seriously!)

      Liked by 1 person

  3. This is evil. I like it! Symbolism, ah yes, or another favorite dodge, “poetic license.”

    Do not edit! There is one blogger in particular who must have that advice as a sampler on the wall above their desk! Why stop at 150 lines when you could challenge your reader with a thousand?

    To your excellent (mis)advice, i would only add these: use antiquated language, it makes your poem sound lofty. (“e’er and ne’er are good ones) Stick with the tried and true (i.e. “hot as fire” or “black as night”) rather than thinking up confusing new phrases. And, of course, spend time in the greeting card aisle soaking in the way those paid and published poets write, then copy their style.

    Thank you for making my day with this invaluable primer!

    –Shay, hack poet at large 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • ok, i’ve posted my reply.

      don’t take any of this wrong way, this is all in good fun. love your poem, it’s wicked, my kind of wicked, and it bit me hard. very well written and very funny, you hit big bundles of nerves, painful and hilarious, i wouldn’t change a word of it, but i have to take a different position =)

      i’ve been pulled over by the poetry police many a time, and why not, my poems are indeed very suspicious vehicles. so i am no stranger to being harassed by the “man”. so what this calls for is what the kids used to call “slam”

      but only if i could match this sass for sass…

      i am the cat in the box

      i’m just have some fun with this, hope you don’t mind, and hope you like it =)

      Liked by 1 person

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