Gratitude [and Life Update (sort of*)]

A home is, at its core, a shelter. Really, if one has a place to live where one can eat, sleep, and stay, with controlled ambient, temperature, electricity, running water, relative safety, and that one can afford to live in, one ought be grateful.

But a home is more than just a shelter. It is a sanctuary. And more than that, a place of dreams. Beyond the petty inconveniences of non-luxury apartment complex living – the lawn mower at 8 AM Monday morning, the noisy air conditioner, the inconsiderate neighbors, the busted pipes, and most recently, the boiler issue resulting in no hot water for a week and being forced to make an hour round trip to the gym to take a shower – I have dreams that simply do not fit in a crappy one-bedroom apartment.

The housing search is fraught. Sellers who were smart enough (or lucky enough) to buy in a better market and resell dreams to the unlucky and desperate at a premium. Rentals equally overpriced and/or non-existent. Marriage is fraught. The endless arguments heated discussions over important rational factors and stupid emotional anxieties and what-ifs.

I’m aware of summer ending and autumn beginning. Soon it will be High Holidays and soon enough, winter. Our wedding anniversary is in the winter. I ought be grateful, and I am. Yet the thought of having spent yet another year of marriage in this apartment makes me want to puke**.

If by this winter

We’re still in this shitty flat,

I’ll fucking lose it.

Photo by Madalyn Cox on Unsplash

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dVerse

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*Yeah, this is really more of a non-update. Sorry for the tease.

**Please don’t post barfing emojis in the comments. They freak me out.