
Honestly, it doesn’t matter what caused the once-soft Tuscan sunset to cast a sharp bright shadow – Maybe his drummer clashed with your jazz, or you were faithfully building a life in Boston and he was in Arizona, dreaming of old ghostly lovers - it doesn’t matter. All you know is your Tiffany’s diamond looks cheaper than a charm bracelet from Claire’s. Your golden hour memories have the nauseating tinge of puke-mustard, seeds you once planted with optimism the pigeons ate, then crapped on your porch, and the sex is artificial vanilla – unnatural and bad. So you drink in the sunny Paris smiles of men not yet ruining your life Like anesthesia – easy to overdose. Every marriage ends in either death or Detroit wasteland - Details don’t matter; it’s all the same story.
***
Twiglets, WODC, Shay’s Word Garden Word List, dVerse, and retroactively for Living Poetry and W3
***
Don’t worry – my marriage is not as broken as this poem would imply.
The imagery writes the story itself, JYP, so well done.
~Dora
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My goal in poetry is to let the imagery write the story – this is high praise!
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Well penned with prefect imagery.
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Thanks!
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Very well done
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Thanks – this was a fun one to write
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I can tell
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Very vivid. I’m glad you put in the disclaimer about your marriage.
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I don’t experience this in offline poetry groups, but on the blog, readers tend to assume all poetry is perfectly truthful and autobiographical (which in fairness, a lot of it is). But I can’t have my blog friends thinking I’m into jazz or something – that’s just crazy talk 😜 Hence the disclaimer
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I’m happy for you that this is not true! Wonderful images/metaphors. Thanks for joining in!
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Thank you for the prompt inspiration! Of course when I saw vanilla on the list, I knew I would have to reference vanilla sex in some fashion and the rest just followed after that, lol!
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Funny, but I suspected that was exactly what happened! 😏
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You know me too well
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🤣
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Great imagery and thanks for the clarification. 😉👍🙏🤞
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A necessary disclaimer in this case – couldn’t have my readers thinking I like jazz or something 😜
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😁🙄🤔
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It must seem like that to some, but I’m glad it’s not your case! The spicy references were seamless.
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My goal with prompt poetry is to weave the prompt in so seamlessly you can’t tell what the prompt was. (Crushing “Arizona Dreaming” and “mustard seeds” with a comma helped!) I’m so happy to have received this feedback! This is high praise!
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If the prompt word/phrase sticks out like a sore thumb, you’ve failed. You wove in the words as they were needed.
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I’m with you. I always feel like the ultimate goal should be a poem that works independently of the prompt that originally inspired it. Thanks!
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Right, Prompts ought to inspire not constrain.
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You’ve got it right, “marriage ends in either death or Detroit wasteland . . .” My first was divorce after xx years, she fell for one of her younger students. The second, sooner that we’d like we’re trying the second, death, 49 and a half for now.
..
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Congratulations on your 49.5 years of marriage! Wishing you many more years of happiness together!!
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Good job, and nothing personal is implied.
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I don’t see this so much in offline writing groups, but I notice that blog poetry is often assumed to be perfectly truthful and autobiographical, probably because most other blog posts are. Hence the disclaimer. In any case, glad you enjoyed!
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Certainly did.
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The thing about reading other peoples poetry is we are limited to our own emotions and metaphoric understandings. So If I’m way off track please offer me a bit of charity and over look my rhetoric. Well written with imagery however some of us, those who loved and lost will refrain by choice not to be so cynically painting all the “details” as merely monochrome grey . But for the love, there wouldn’t be any details to have ever notice in the first place. imho…
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Great call out. The truth is that the “details don’t matter” refrain here is more laziness than anything else; I was too lazy to figure out who these characters were and why their bond fell apart. So I put in the “details don’t matter” as a catch-all. But the truth is, as many of us unfortunately experience, the details matter a great deal! In fact, they are what make the experience of a past love so exquisitely sweet and exquisitely painful when it is over.
Great feedback – definitely something to think about for the revision.
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The positive details always erase the bad details like dust. imo… We just have to be mindfull in life to dust often. 😉
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I really enjoyed this response to the prompt and the clever ways you included the spices. Oh and the second last stanza…that was stellar!
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Thank you.
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Thank you. Yeah, I saw “vanilla”, immediately thought “vanilla sex” because that’s how my brain works and the rest is history
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This is so strong JYP — the impact of truth. Yes, in the end, the tale is the same, just told through different gritted teeth. I’ve crashed and burned two of ‘em. Not proud of it, we just weren’t good copilots. The third one is still airborne, even through occasional turbulence, and will likely make it to the final touch down — my final approach is well underway.
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Appreciate you sharing. Best wishes for a safe, non-turbulent, and enjoyable journey!
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I say … let’s head to Paris for the sunny smiles of men who won’t hurt us … A thoroughly enjoyable bit of writing and a great way to use those words of Shay’s.
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Won’t hurt us *yet*…but hopefully they won’t hurt us at all! Thanks! Yeah, these were both intriguing word lists
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So you drink
in the sunny Paris smiles
of men not yet ruining your life
This is such a great line! You have told this tale very well!
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Thank you!
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You are welcome!
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Ooo, I can’t wait to get married! “Artificial vanilla”–that’s a good one.
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One of the prompts was to incorporate names of spices from a list of 25. I was certain that everyone was going to write vanilla sex poems because obviously that’s the first thing that popped into my head when I saw “vanilla” on the list. And then like no one else did. I feel like the other poets of WordPress must have cleaner minds than I do!
I should have considered my audience. Please do not interpret this prompt piece as a statement on all marriages generally. I’m rooting for you!
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Someone’s gotta push the envelope!
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I know right?! We can’t have all g-rated beautiful sensory descriptions…
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They put the thing in the thing and then fell asleep.. that’s my raciest.
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So many great lines building a powerful image of disenchantment, disillusionment and dissatisfaction. A powerful write. I’m so glad it’s not autobiographical.
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Despite the (thankfully not autobiographical) subject matter, I rather enjoyed writing this one. Appreciate your feedback!
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You had me at “Tiffany’s diamond”.
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That one is an invented detail actually. My own engagement ring isn’t Tiffany’s. But I wanted something that would contrast with the image of a cheap charm bracelet of broken promises.
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It works.
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Wow, this is brilliant JYP! I love that phrase “men not yet ruining your life”.
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I love that well-placed “yet” too. Like they aren’t ruining your life now but they probably will eventually. Thanks!
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I just reread this and the second time was better. There is such a dry derisive wisdom that I love here, the kind you get from the all-knowing wife who deserves better but loves her husband anyway, or the woman who tried to beat the system but finally accepts it because she’s just tired. The second stanza is my favourite. Such an elegant write, JYP 🙂
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I’m flattered and honored that I merited a second read! Thanks!
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Spice tales, Nice!!!
Much💛love
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Thank you!
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Wouch! I enjoyed the writing as usual. Not sure about the sentiment, even though I accept half of all marriages end in divorce.
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Well this one is fortunately largely fictional. I think that’s why it was fun to write; if it had been more true to life, I think it would have been harder.
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Exceptional write.
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Thank you 💕
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I love this JYP. This is real.
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Thanks! I had a lot of fun writing this one
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Great poem. But I felt bad about clicking the “like” button on such a sad poem.:-)
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Thank you ❤️ And you can ‘like’ without guilt – this particular poem is largely fictional!
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“Every marriage ends
in either death or Detroit wasteland –
Details don’t matter; it’s all the same story.”
Don’t worry, now one will get married now or at least you can say you warned them. 😂💕
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Ha!! 🤣
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Relatable. Was I the only fool who thought that if I had feelings like the one you describe, it was the wrong person whose engagement ring i’d accepted? Good writing. just wanted it to go on for a few more stanzas.
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It could totally be the wrong person whose engagement ring the narrator accepted, absolutely! Especially if they never resolved that Boston-Arizona prior to getting engaged. That’s just poor planning.
Thank you for the feedback – that is high praise!
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Bulging with cynicism, with hints of woundedness. I like it — the poetry that is, but marriage was designed for so much more than these five stanzas.
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I don’t know how I missed your comment! Thanks for the feedback. Yeah, this is a very specific take on a failed marriage. I don’t think this ending is necessarily inevitable for all marriages. Wishing you a beautiful, loving, joyous marriage!
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[…] your skull like a migraine – so cold but you can’t even shiver cause you’ll fucking lose it. (The details don’t matter; it’s all the same story – tragedies are merely square tiles on the chessboard and who gives a damn.) You can beg for the […]
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An excellent prose poem. And the “details don’t matter” statement is exactly opposite to the details included in the poem – which matter immensely and make this poem so very good!!
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Thanks! I have mixed feelings about the “details don’t matter” refrain. I mostly used it because I was too lazy to figure out who these characters were and why their marriage fell apart. I may take these lines out when I revise this piece, but at the same time, there is also an odd irony between a poem with so many little details and the “details don’t matter” which I like. Hmm, decisions. Anyway, I really appreciate the feedback!
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The details may not matter in this same old grim story, but they are well painted through your words.
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Thank you! It is, granted, not a particularly original story. But I tried to add some intriguing details to keep it fresh.
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