News Update: Offbeat Jewish News Edition

If you don’t blog about Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year), are you even a Jewish blogger? And yet, the Rosh Hashanah post I want to post is taking too long to write (timely blog content has never been my strong suit), so I’m doing a News Update post on 7 Jewish-related news stories (7 in honor of Shabbat, you know?) as my pseudo Rosh Hashanah post.

At this rate, I’ll post my real Rosh Hashanah post for Valentine’s Day. “Rosh Hashana 5777 | ראש השנה תשע’ז” by Lilachd is licensed under CC BY 2.0.

As always, I shall cover the amusing, light-hearted stories, not the important, controversial, or sad. Btw, I’m not covering any Rosh Hashanah/Sukkot inspirational message stuff. First off, I’m not feeling any of that and secondly, you can just google – it’s all over the internet. Unless otherwise noted, bolding in the quotes is mine.

1) This High Holiday season, a Twitter ‘Repentance Bot’ wants to teach people how to apologize for real

Twitter is the new place to atone, thanks to a bot programmed by Jewish coders who want users to apologize better….“Repentance Bot” allows users to tag the account when they see an apology that they believe falls short. The bot then replies to the apology with encouragement to do better and a comic strip laying out five steps to take to do so.

https://www.jta.org/2022/09/07/religion/this-high-holiday-season-a-twitter-repentance-bot-wants-to-teach-people-how-to-apologize-for-real

This has changed my opinion of Twitter for the better. Prior to reading this article, I thought Twitter was a totally worthless place, offering nothing but self-promotion, anger/offense in 280 characters or less, and bad poetry. This article has convinced me that there is someone on Twitter with both a goal of self & societal improvement and a sense of humor.

That said, I don’t think Repentance Bot is quite nailing the apology. Notice how this tweet in response to using a font incompatible with screen readers for the visually-impaired doesn’t actually admit wrongdoing or mention words like “we’re sorry“. It’s got the “thank you for letting us know” and “we promise to do better” elements of apology, but the “sorry, we screwed up” is conspicuously absent.

BEEP! We are grateful to @Bi_Bicyclist for teaching us that alternate fonts do not work well with screen readers. BOOP! We have changed the pinned tweet accordingly and will teach other bots this important human factoid. BEEP! ♥️🤖♥️

— Repentance Bot (@RepentanceBot) August 29, 2022

2. Lox block: UWS congregation takes beloved salmon off the menu, citing environmental concerns

A synagogue on the Upper West Side has announced that it will no longer serve lox…during its weekly kiddush lunches…the popular Ashkenazi delicacy will be “eliminated from the menu so we can do our part to reduce the environmental impact of pollution and overfishing.”

https://www.jta.org/2022/09/09/ny/lox-block-uws-congregation-takes-smoked-salmon-off-the-menu-citing-environmental-concerns

WTF?!? If you want to be more sustainable, use biodegradable / compostable paper goods. Offer more vegetarian and vegan options. Buy lox from the purveyors who source salmon sustainably. But kiddush is the key to Jewish community – don’t skimp on this!

Fortunately, the congregation eventually came to its senses:

Lox is back on the menu at B’nai Jeshurun, the Upper West Side synagogue that last week said it would stop serving the delicacy at the kiddush luncheons that follow Saturday morning services.

https://www.jta.org/2022/09/13/ny/go-fish-lox-back-on-menu-at-upper-west-side-synagogue

It gladdens my heart to know that other people feel as I do about kiddush, and, in true Jewish fashion, complained enough such that the policy was changed.

Don’t fuck with lox at kiddush. Photo by Lucie Liz: https://www.pexels.com/photo/bagel-with-salmon-3957499/

In other good news related to food:

3. Fake glorious food: the rise of Israeli innovation in foodtech

First, cue musical interlude! Ok, now to the “meat” of the story:

From fish made from plants to 3D printed meat, Israeli companies are creating astounding opportunities to tackle the food industry’s biggest challenges: feeding an escalating population with diminishing food supplies and creating foods without damaging the environment.

https://www.jewishnews.co.uk/fake-glorious-food-the-rise-of-israeli-innovation-in-foodtech/

It’s a great feature piece highlighting several cool Israeli companies, and it’s worth the read. However, I take issue with this sentiment:

On a lighter note, it could mean kashrut keepers being able to eat ‘fake’ milk and meat together for the first time (but as both are fake you might need to check with a rabbi first – probably a discussion for a whole other article!).

https://www.jewishnews.co.uk/fake-glorious-food-the-rise-of-israeli-innovation-in-foodtech/

I sense the author trying to be funny, but no. There is no need to ask a rabbi to eat two vegan products together. Inventing kashrut problems where they don’t exist is not funny. It’s not funny that the OU decided not to certify Impossible Pork simply because of the name “pork”, and it’s not funny that David Zvi Kalman thinks we should invent a new system of kashrut for fake meat products. Judaism is not improved when people invent halachic problems that didn’t exist in the first place.

There’s no bull in these plant-based burgers. But to invent new kashrut laws around them? That’s bullshit. “No Bull burgers from Iceland. As far as I know, the first plant-based ‘bleeding burger’ available in a UK supermarket. I haven’t eaten a beef burger in 30 years, so I only have soya burgers to compare it to. It was like a larger, but soft, soya burger and” by World of Oddy is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0.

I could do an entire News Update on Jewish food stories alone because there are so many – a Brazilian Jews vs. Arabs hummus championship, NY vs. Montreal-Style Bagel Face Off, Junior’s Cheesecake saving the world one gun buy back at a time (seriously!) But for variety, I’ll switch to something else:

4) Bnot Brak – The Ultra-Orthodox Answer to Real Housewives

Bnot Brak – a feminine play on words on the name of the city of Bnei Brak, is a new Israeli reality show about Haredi women.

The five women who star in Bnot Brak…represent a new kind of ultra-Orthodox woman: one who doesn’t hide owning a smartphone, has an active social media presence, dresses fashionably and isn’t afraid to speak her mind.

https://www.australianjewishnews.com/bnot-brak-the-ultra-orthodox-answer-to-real-housewives/

First off, the title of this reality show is brilliant. (“Bnei” literally means “sons” and “Bnot” means “daughters”). Second, I’m seriously impressed that these women were willing to participate given their families’ and communities’ attitudes towards the outside secular world generally.

Mostly, I find it intriguing that the show will feature a cast that looks homogenous but that has a diversity of thought opinions (the article cites divisive topics like social media and the teaching of secular subjects), in contrast to the current trend of casting a diverse-looking cast and assuming that will produce diversity of opinions. The latter is important, but I feel the conversation about what diversity means shouldn’t stop at the appearance of the cast. Obviously, diversity is relative and Haredi women willing to appear on a reality show is a very narrow slice of society that will probably agree on many things. Still, I think it’s an intriguing concept and approach.

That said, I feel like this would be a boring reality TV format – no competition,lots of sitting around talking, and no manufactured drama. Then again, I’m making a ton of assumptions here – I could be totally off-base.

5) Sell Rosh Hashanah, Buy Yom Kippur? Revisiting The Market Adage In Turbulent 2022

I almost didn’t include this because I questioned if a retrospective look at historic stock performance counts as news. But I’d never heard of this adage and had to find out more:

One old market adage that is commonly mentioned just ahead of the Jewish holidays is “Sell Rosh Hashanah, Buy Yom Kippur.”…The rule’s origin is based on the concept that followers of the Jewish faith want to be free from material possessions during the most sacred period of the calendar year.

During the 10 days between the two major holidays, Jews reflect on their actions from the previous year and atone for their sins…Upon completion of the cleansing process, they’re free to return to the markets and evaluate investments for the upcoming year.

https://www.benzinga.com/trading-ideas/22/09/28996682/sell-rosh-hashanah-buy-yom-kippur

My initial reaction was “Is this really a thing?” According to the internet, yes, this is a real strategy. IMO, this has to be the strangest High Holiday practice ever. Still, if any Jew is actually selling their whole stock portfolio for Rosh Hashanah and buying it back after Yom Kippur…well, they’re a much more devout believer than I am.

Important Disclaimer: Jewish Young Professional does not provide financial advice. If you do anything stupid and suffer the consequences, it’s your own damn fault and Jewish Young Professional takes zero responsibility.

Wisdom for the day: Contact a financial advisor for investment advice, not an internet rando who doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Photo by Nick Chong on Unsplash

6) Biden to host first-ever White House Rosh Hashanah party

President Joe Biden is bringing a Jewish High Holiday celebration to the White House for the first time.

His White House is hosting a Rosh Hashanah reception on Sept. 30

https://www.jta.org/2022/09/20/politics/biden-to-host-first-ever-white-house-rosh-hashanah-party

Umm…Sept 30, 2022 isn’t Rosh Hashanah. Also, it’s a Friday. (And it’s today, because even my fake Rosh Hashanah post is late…) Does the guest list include congregational rabbis? They tend to be busy on Friday nights.

Actually, Jewish Insider clarifies that the party is on Friday morning. Also, according to Jewish Insider:

Most years, the White House Hanukkah party is the hottest Jewish ticket in town.

https://jewishinsider.com/2022/09/joe-jill-biden-rosh-hashanah-white-house-party/

That makes sense. Everyone loves Hanukkah. It’s a fun holiday with almost no religious observance requirements. Everyone loves Hanukkah parties. Everyone wants more fried food and donuts. No one wants more Rosh Hashanah. Like who has ever wished for a third day of Rosh Hashanah? No one.

In case you’re wondering, your favorite Jewish personal blogger was not invited to the White House party.

7) USPS Celebrates Hanukkah With a New Stamp

Are you sick of Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, and the whole Jewish fall holiday season? Maybe you’re over the mandatory introspection, Twitter apologies, bad stock trades, and the extra day of Rosh Hashanah at the White House?

Well, good news! The US Postal Service has rolled out their new Hanukkah postage stamp and is celebrating the new stamp with a dedication ceremony and hashtag (bolding below is USPS’s, not mine):

The U.S. Postal Service continues its tradition of celebrating Hanukkah, the joyous Jewish holiday also known as the Festival of Lights, with the issuance of a new Hanukkah Forever stamp.

The first-day-of-issue dedication ceremony is free and open to the public. News of the stamp is being shared with the hashtag #HanukkahStamp.

https://about.usps.com/newsroom/national-releases/2022/0906ma-usps-celebrates-hanukkah-with-a-new-stamp.htm

The Cleveland Jewish News has more details about the stamp design and the dedication ceremony to be held at a Cleveland-area synagogue. Here’s the RSVP page if you want to attend the stamp dedication ceremony.

As an aside, I’m so Jewish that when I first looked up the stamp specs on USPS.com and read “Gallus RCS”, I actually thought this was a reference to Galut (exile)

But no, USPS is referencing the press type, not Jewish exile from Israel. Screenshot of the USPS Hanukkah Stamp page by me.

Shabbat Shalom, y’all! If you’re at Biden’s Rosh Hashanah party without me, you better tell me all the details!