A Whole Bunch Of Quickies

I have a lot of thoughts (I’ve been away and working on other stuff) but I don’t have the time or mental energy to write about them. I do feel compelled to write something though, so I will instead answer selected questions from Rory The Autistic Composter‘s Morning Dawdles.

1/3/23

1) Is it easier or harder for you to make friends online rather than offline?

This depends on your definition of “friends”. If I’m in the mood, I can and often do strike up a fun, interesting conversation with almost anyone I meet offline. But to go from “fun interesting conversation” to “real friendship” is not always an easy transition. Online, I can meet a lot of people through blogging. But it’s a smaller subset of online people that I feel close enough or trust enough (and even for “trust enough” this is an anonymous blog for a reason) to consider a friend.

Also, my friendships tend not to get to the place where I feel like I have friend(s) that I can tell everything to. Husband is probably the closest person to that role, and that’s mostly because unlike when I get mad at other people, I have absolutely no problem telling Husband why I am mad at him (I do this very often) – and even then, I still don’t think of Husband as a friend to whom I can tell everything.

In case you are wondering, I did not meet Husband online. We met the old-fashioned way – at a party while we were technically dating other people. But I digress.

Nothing says old fashioned romance like meeting in person when neither of you is single. Photo by cottonbro studio: https://www.pexels.com/photo/couple-sitting-at-the-table-3171204/

“2”) What five letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?

I’m mad this question isn’t “what three letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?” because I really wanted to make a small penis joke. Get it – pen, penis?

By the way, I realize I blog about penises a lot. Don’t get the wrong idea – I am not some weird penis-obsessed person. I just think penises make excellent writing material.

The pen is mightier than the sword, but the penis provides the best writing material. Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay

1/5/23

1) How hard is it for you to ask for help if you need it?

Put it this way. You know how stupid and incompetent I am at cooking? The smart thing to do would be to ask my cooking-competent friends for advice and recipes. What I actually do is the following:

1. Pretend I am an amazingly talented and intuitively skilled at cooking such that I don’t need to look at recipes.
2. Talk to people about cooking as if I am good at it (I enjoy watching cooking shows, so I learn all the vocabulary and I tend not to sound like such a dumbass in public)
3. Never ever invite friends who are good at cooking over for a meal at my place.

2) Are there any phrases that people use that annoy you immensely?

“We are in this together“, “New normal“, “social distancing” and pretty much anything anyone said a lot during the pandemic. I will not miss the stupid vocabulary of this era.

Lies. Image by Stefan Schweihofer from Pixabay

1/7/23

“1”) Where do you prefer to do most of your clothing shopping – online or in-store?

Seeing I have put on enough weight such that I’m officially overweight, my ass no longer fits in my bathing suit, and random people come up to me to ask if I’m pregnant and then tell me to my face that I got fat, and I don’t know my size anymore, I prefer not to go clothes shopping. It’s not fun anymore. Besides, there are no special occasions coming up and I can mostly work at home, so as long as I can stretch enough crappy wear-around-the-house clothes around my growing ass, I guess I don’t really need to go clothes shopping.

1/10/23

“1”) What old fashioned way of doing things is better than how they are currently done?

Using a toilet. High-tech automatic toilets waste billions of gallons of water a year.

[By the way, I realize I have written a lot about toilets lately. Don’t get the wrong idea – I’m not some weird toilet-obsessed person either. It’s just that there is a lot to say about toilets.]

Anyway, it’s now possible to get smart sinks you control with commands like “fill spaghetti pot with 8 ounces of water” so you can presumably waste money and waste time instead of wasting water. There are also smart showers with cool features like fun LED lights to monitor water usage and voice activated temperature and sound controls. Which is cool, but arguably, a better way to reduce water usage is to spend less time showering, not make the shower so exciting that you won’t want to get out of the shower.

This is the problem with smart technology – it doesn’t make humanity any smarter.

I think the smart toilets are mocking our stupidity. Image by Peter H from Pixabay

“2”) Are we consuming too much information and data and is the modern world bad for us?

I disagree with the premise of this question. I don’t think much of what we consume actually deserves the title of “information” or “data”. “Information” implies that the content is delivering something useful, and “data” implies that there has been a valid scientific study. Think about the last time you consumed content on the internet and consider whether it really fit into those categories. That’s like calling the clickbait they post on news sites “journalism”. Have you read the news lately? It’s really just snark-worthy entertainment.

Do we consume a lot of media? Yes. But to call that media “information” or “data” is a stretch, I think. Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

1/12/23

“1”) How many bananas do you eat a week?

Just like that Five Guys “hot dog” story I wrote about in a previous post, I question if this is really a question about “bananas”.

If we’re talking about literal bananas, I eat zero bananas a week because I do not like bananas. If we’re talking about figurative “bananas”, well, I’m a lady and I’m not going to answer that on the internet. 🍌

A lady doesn’t spill her banana habits. Photo by Deon Black: https://www.pexels.com/photo/a-person-holding-yellow-banana-fruit-5750195/

Ok, maybe I am a penis-obsessed person after all….

“2”) Do you think self-help books actually help or hinder?

In the noble tradition of wannabe influencers, I shall answer this question with shameless self-promotion: If you’re dissatisfied with the self-help books in your life, check out my Advice/Life Lessons blog category! Unlike the other self-help writers/advice-givers/wannabe influencers in your life, I openly admit when I am fully unqualified to give advice and that you should just read it for entertainment.

I might not give damn good advice, but I’d like to believe I provide damn good entertainment. Photo by Frame Harirak on Unsplash

“3”) Should we all be more social and not enjoy solitude so much?

I am the wrong person to answer this question to answer this question because I didn’t know “we enjoyed” solitude so much. Then again, I learned during the pandemic that I am the kind of extrovert who cannot bring myself to perform basic hygiene tasks like changing my clothes or showering if there was no chance of seeing people, so perhaps I am biased.

Then again everyone is biased, so I’m gonna answer this question anyway. Yes, everyone should be more social. Bring back kiddush in shul! Throw more parties! (And invite me! I love parties!)

1/14/23

1) What are your views on Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex’s published memoir ‘Spare’?

Thanks to the media coverage of “Spare”, I have learned more about Prince Harry’s penis than I ever needed to know. It makes me wonder what Prince Harry’s ghostwriter thought about the over 15 penis references. Also, I am wondering if Elizabeth Arden will use “Spare” as a celebrity endorsement for treating frostbitten todgers.

I’m guessing an 8 Hour Penis Relief Cream won’t fit Elizabeth Arden’s brand image, but it’s a heck of a product endorsement. “Elizabeth Arden” by chooyutshing is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0.

Otherwise, I have no interest in the book and no opinion on it.

2) Is the glass half full or half empty for you?

I’ve already written about how I’m such a nihilist that I don’t even think it matters whether the glass is half full or half empty because there’s no happy outcome for it anyway.

“3”) What mistakes do you make over and over?

Time management. Specifically, thinking that anything I label as a “quickie” will be short and not take much time to write. I guess I’m really not one for quickies.

This was supposed to be a short, quick blog post…Photo by Ivan Samkov: https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-working-in-home-office-4240505/