Authentic Self and the Assimilated Jew, Part 1: A Tale of Two Workplaces

Job #1

In 2010, I made the formal decision to become Shomer Shabbat. At the time, it was early in my career, and I was working an entry-level job. My work hours were a regular 8 AM – 4 PM and there was no expectation that I’d ever have to stay late or work off hours. My boss knew how to do my job. I had a ten-minute commute.

Prior to formally requesting an accommodation to leave earlier on Fridays, I made a point of changing to a more modest style of dress at work. High-necked long-sleeved shirts. Knee-length skirts. I feared that if my coworkers saw my collarbone, they would doubt my religious sincerity (spoiler: they never noticed that level of detail), and my request to leave earlier on Fridays to prepare for Shabbat would get rejected.

Self portrait of me at work. Photo by cottonbro studio: https://www.pexels.com/photo/light-man-people-woman-4040877/

In fact, my request almost did get rejected, but not because I didn’t look the part. It was because I requested to leave two hours early on Friday during the winter. My boss’s boss, my boss’s boss’s boss, and HR were all Jewish (and secular) and said something to the effect of, actually, JYP, you can prepare for Shabbat on Thursday night and you live ten minutes away – there’s no reason you need to leave two hours early. But they did let me leave 30 minutes early on those winter Fridays. My Shomer Shabbat friends were horrified and accused my employer of religious discrimination, but in the end, it worked out fine. Honestly, 30 minutes early wound up being sufficient time for me, and I ultimately felt as though my employer was accommodating.

There are other reasons why I later left that job, but religious discrimination was not one of them. No one seemed put off by my taking time off for Yom Tov or my leaving early on winter Fridays or my modest dress. I talked openly with my coworkers about my Shabbat plans for the weekend and about the Jewish holidays. “Being your authentic self at work” wasn’t a trendy concept at that time the way it is now, but this workplace easily met today’s definition of a place where I could be my authentic self at work.

The Irony

The irony was that the religious persona I shared at work was arguably not my “authentic self”. I appeared Orthodox in my work attire, but I was really never Orthodox in practice or philosophy at that time. I still ate at non-kosher restaurants (granted, I did that at work too). Outside of work, I still wore pants, sleeveless shirts, hell, even V-neck tops that showed some cleavage sometimes. In fact, I had come to divide my wardrobe such that the most modest clothes I saved for the office and the less modest/more revealing clothes I saved for Shabbat/weekends.

Self portrait of me on the weekend outside work. Photo by Ilaria Tartara: https://www.pexels.com/photo/beautiful-woman-in-red-tank-top-5410949/

Job #2

“Being your authentic self at work” still wasn’t a trendy thing yet when I was at Job #2. But Job #2 was more accommodating, which is impressive because Job #2 was very different – I was the only person who knew how to do my job, the work culture was much more everyone working around the clock and being available at all times.

I don’t even remember having the “I’m Shomer Shabbat” conversation, and yet somehow, I was able to leave 1.5-2 hours early on Fridays in the winter. The CEO even personally apologized to me the year that the annual holiday party had to be scheduled on a Friday night such that I’d have to miss it. When I had a business trip, they let me book my return flight after Shabbat. I continued wearing super modest clothes and speaking openly about Shabbat plans and Yom Tov the same way people normally talk about weekend and holiday plans. No one thought this was weird.

It felt normal to talk about this. Photo by cottonbro studio: https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-sitting-at-the-table-4040833/

One of the teams I worked with cross-functionally made a point of routing work to me earlier on Fridays so that I’d have time to complete my section before I had to leave because of Shabbat.

The Irony

Once again, I still wasn’t as religious as I appeared to be. Same office super-modest vs. Shabbat/weekend less-modest dress code. Same non-kosher restaurants. While employed at Job #2, I took two vacations during which, unbeknownst to my coworkers, I didn’t keep Shabbat in full.

Not that this is really any of their business or negates all the other weeks when I did keep Shabbat, but still.